Mortality is one of those things young people do not typically think about. Sometimes you are forced to when your pet goldfish Wilbur dies, or the kitten you begged your mom to allow you to rescue gets hit by a car. Your high school friend may die in a car accident and mortality smacks you hard in the face while you are sleepily eating a stale pop tart. Your mom suddenly comes to visit you at college on a random Wednesday afternoon telling you that your cousin committed suicide. You almost collapse from disbelief right on the sidewalk outside your dorm. That type of mortality you would like to kick in the teeth and ban from your life forever.
Years later you become a nurse and boom , you see mortality every day. A baby stops breathing, an old man's heart suddenly stops. A young motorcycle rider comes in coding and your heart sinks because you can see how awful and dreadful he looks, his life is gone. Yes mortality is very real and you are forced to live and breathe it non stop. Those were just a couple days in emergency nursing, it is not for the faint hearted. The next job you work with cancer patients every day. You constantly work with people who have parts of their lungs removed. It forces you to stay away from smoking for good, bexause their mortality is your wake up call. Sometimes people who are fine say a few last words and boom, they code and die, and you whisper what the fuck mortality?!!? Sometimes your patients have a gradual decline and you see their mortality coming on like a 1,000 foot freight train that can't possibly be stopped or slowed down. Then there are three big letters, D N R... Someone is barely breathing and their heart is stopping beating. You just have to let it, you can't try saving their life like you so desperately want, and were trained to do. They are wearing a purple bracelet, they are ready to go when their time is up. So all you can do is stand there feeling helpless, holding their hand and whispering silent prayers while fighting off tears. They are ok with their mortality and fate.
At any given moment we all have the capability of teetering on the edge. There is a fine line between this fragile vibrant life and death's ugly black heavy door. Therefore I choose to live each moment fully, purposefully and heartily. Life may not always be fun or easy but any day I am breathing, walking, talking and smiling is still a beautiful day. Life often doesn't give much advance notice as to when your mortal being will fade from this earth, so you might as well dig in and hold on for the ride. Relish every second!!
