ellebelle

I just found some pic's in my SGfavorite Pic's section. They were pictures of Les. Just two of them- she was bound and gagged in both of them. Nothing else in my favorite pics- just those. What the fuck? I didn't put em in there. That kinda creeps me out. How totally full on embarrassing for me. I mean- how many people found those pics in there and thought- OKAY- thats weird. I'm completely grossed out now. N my stomach hurts. Not cuz I found the pictures to be distasteful or anything- just that I think it's weird that they were the only two pics in there. Shit maybe it was me??? Who the fuck knows. I don't think so though. *scratches head* I'll have to fill it up with my faves- I just don't look at the pics on here that much anymore. I'll have to check some of the new sets out. I like the BRIGHT cutesy whootsie sets. I like the extremely different ones too. I guess maybe it coulda been me that stuck those pics of Les in my fave's and then went and forgot to add more. Anyway it's just creepy that there were only two in there. Very creepy.
Weird. I guess I just woulda been offended if I was Les and I saw two pics of myself bound and gagged in someones favorite SG pics and they didn't have any other pics in there- just the pics of me (Les) Bound n gagged.
*shudders* Super creepy.

Anyway- it's been fixed. My new non- creepy pics.




On a happy note~
Feeling much better today.
I found this part of citrus's journal quite signifigant today:

some greatness about being alone:
if we get all silly about it, we're a threesome - me, myself, and i.
we like all of the same things and can still bitch about stuff together.
there's no real way we can lie because i see right through myself even though it sometimes irritates me.
the sex is great; we all know what me likes and i can pretty much take care of myself.
they give me space, we know when i need to be left alone, but also have a way about encouraging myself to be socially engaged.
easily amused, we're often found laughing at myself. a sense of humor is important and we know how i crack me up.
talk about happily ever after.
good stuff.


YES~ that's pretty good stuff!



Today's song:

I think it's turning back around
And I think I like it
I think it's turning back around
Though I don't know why it is
I think it's turning back on me
I'm down on the upside
I think it's turning back on me
Now I'm the good ride

And nothing's gonna put me out
It's backing down and under
I'm down on the upside now
It's turning back around
Turning back around

I think it's coming on the wind
Just like you said it
I think it's coming on the wind
And I'm gonna let it

I think it's turning back on me
Everything's easy
I think it's turning back on me
Everything's real to me


Yesterday's journal entry~

I haven't been sleeping well. Last night I stayed up till 3:09 am. Not sure what the deal is. Valerian root didn't even help me the other night. The lavender and clary sage on my pillow didn't sooth me to sleep either. Lots on my mind. No real reason to be all saucer eyed that early in the morning. I hate it when I have shit flowing through my head. I hate being so completely overstimulated that eveyone around me must think I'm on drugs. Which I'm totally not. I don't even pow the maui wowie anymore. Ever. Thats not actually by choice- it just doesn't make me feel good like it did when I was 18/19. It makes me feel lousy so- I never touch the mean green.
I think I may try smoking Kava Kava when I get back. It's a legal, natural high anyway- and maybe it will be okay for my chemistry. I'm absolutely sure it's less potent than ganja.

So yeah- I haven't put a bowl in my head in almost ten years. Crazy. I've been drug free for a decade.
If you don't count mood brighteners that my Psychiatris prescribes for me. Although- I haven't really taken my Effexor in a few weeks. I ran out. I hadn't been taking it most the time I was in Ireland either and I've been fine. Other than a few bouts of depression. Nothing that a little sunshine won't cure.
I've been taking B-complex vitamins for mood. They have these alkaselzer b-complex tabs that you put in water and they fizz all over. Pretty neat. They've helped me act a bit more passive and less bitchy. Thats my main thing I guess. I have alot of rage. Sometimes I yell and say fucked up things. I hate yelling so that's why I try to take mood brightners. I'm not a bitch- I'm the bitch- and that's miss bitch to you. If I've taken a mood brightener I'm more of a - Can I help you with anything? Or a -That's okay mom on the carpet commercial where the kids spill grape juice on the carpet and the mom's all thats okay with a big smile *perma grin* that's why all the neighborhood kids are usually at Miss Ellie's house. All of them. I'm the only one crazy enough to let 10 kids run around the house or hang out in my yard. I miss that actually. I miss being the cool mom. All the kids in this neighborhood hate me. In the beginning- that wasn't the case. They all had me doing wraps in there hair and they'd come to the mall with my kids and myself on the bus. Then one day they decided they were going to start beating the shit outta my 10 year old girl. Unfortunately my daughter does not have my fighting spirit. She's extremely passive naturally. After the 4th time of her getting jumped by four other neighborhood girls- I came unfucking-glued. I walked outside- and stayed about 40 ft away from the girls that had jumped her. I yelled so loud that none of my neighbors say hello to me anymore- EVER. I told the girls that if they ever came within 15 feet of my daughter that I would basically - brutally beat them to death. I told them that I didn't care if any of their mothers (or fathers for that matter)wished to speak with me- told them they all knew where I live and that I'd be happy to offer them a finger (you know which one) to sit and spin on.
I never jump in the middle of kid arguments- ever. I usually think its best for kids to work shit out on there own. I just kinda lost it. Truly. If I could take what I said to those girls back- I don't think I would. Even now- 5 months later. Here in Ireland on this little street that I live on- I'm known as the wicked witch. People whisper under their breath when they see me outside. N you know what I say to that? *shrugs* nothing. I know it will be different when we go back to the US. Americans may be stupid (and ugly according to Europeans) but most Americans seem to like me. That's the thing about me I guess. You either like me a hellof alot or you CAN NOT stand me. (I'm kind of abbrassive and I say weirded out shit) There is usually no imbetween. Unless you are a Virgo. You could ask Pywacket what I mean- if she were still on SG. I miss her. I think she only liked me half the time. (I can live with half the time~ she's a cool lady.)
Anyone know her email addy? I think I could maybe ask Goo.

xoxox
Elle
Lots of love n stuff.
Going on our Northern Europe excersion in one week. Whoot. Belgium, Denmark, Luxenburg, Germany, Holland and Sweden. Will try to make it to Norway. We have to take a couple fairies to get to some of these places. Should be a blast.


Song of the day:
Tesla~ Love Song
***************
So you think that it's over,
That your love has fin'lly reached the end.
Any time you call, night or day,
I'll be right there for you if you need a friend.

It's gonna take a little time.
Time is sure to mend your broken heart.
Don't you even worry, pretty darlin'.
I know you'll find love again. Yeah.


Love is all around you. Yeah
Love is knockin' outside *YOUR* door.
Waitin' for you is this love made just for two
Keep an open heart and you'll find love again, I know.

Love is all around you.
Love is knockin' outside **YOUR** door.
Waitin' for you is this love made just for two
Keep an open heart and you'll find love again, I know.