elisabeth

I just don't know what to say anymore.

I fill in the blanks with things that aren't there, project certain emotions carelessly in the hopes that the reflection will blind me.

Blind me to the callousness of others, the reality and simplicity of every man and woman for themselves. Stomp or be stomped on, it's a brutal world, easy to play the game.

But what if you don't know the rules anymore?

Sometimes I feel as if I am the understudy in my life, thrown on a stage meant for someone else. I fumble the words in an attempt to improvise, all the more annoyed and critical of myself.

I wish to take a time out, and leave myself in a corner, make her face the wall. Come back later after a decent amount of time.

Meditation, death, or drugs seem to be the only way to go about this. I've done two out of three, and the third has been such a challenge. The meditation, quieting of the mind. I've no wish to harm myself other than to commit homicide on my ego. (A brilliant woman coined that term, homicide on my ego, so credit where it's due.)

Labels are for jars, but I've got to silence the 7000 things floating through my brain, lest I implode in a torrent of erratic emotions.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

**UPDATED**

Say hello to our little friend.



Good times at SGHQ! And go see the pic that Missy took.