egil

My whole life people told me I had great potential. I was a musician, an actor, a singer, and a scholar as a kid. Then somehow I devoted my adolescent years to turning my intellect towards causing destruction and pain. When I realized what had become of me and what I was doing, I turned my skills against the authority figures I felt (and still feel) are to blame for most of the worlds problems. Then I decided to forever give up violence and become a pacifist. 2 years later I sit up at 2am with hands flecked in a multitude of colors of paint, wondering if I will ever be able to create and love with hands and heart corrupted by violence and pain. Cringing inwardly everytime my friends joke about my destructive capabilities or belittle the idea of me being a physically passive person. So alone I sit, afraid of myself, afraid of others, afraid of what comes next.

Where do I go from here?


Craig