So as my name might indicate, like many others in this world, or maybe even you; who may be reading this, I suffer from depression. Today has been a very bad day. Feelings of regret, and worthlessness have filled my day. I try my best to make people laugh, or make them smile. I feel it is the only talent that I have. And honestly, some may think 'talent' should not even be a word to describe me. I am old (51) as of last Friday... I was adopted (my birth parents did not want me) I was probably the result of a "one night stand" or an accident. I don't know. My adopted parents divorced in 1991. They are still alive, but my dad disowned me in 1998. It was over money. I owed him $15,000.o0 for a car, a debt I couldn't repay. My mom did the same 8 years ago but over me hanging up on her during a phone call, (my mom is a hard-headed German who grew up in World War II). She is very strict. My dad has every right to be angry with me, but not disown me. I grew up a very loving sweet "accepting of everyone type of person." My parents did not always share those traits with me. But I loved them just the same. I was married once, but my "wife" aborted our baby without talking to me first. She left me for her own uncle!!! For years I hated her for this, but it bothered me that I could "hate" anything. So I chose to forgive her. And perhaps all along the baby was never mine. Maybe this all happened because she cheated on me. I don't know. I do know that she ended up divorcing him too, and has a daughter by him. That whole story took place between 1986-1990. My very next (and last girlfriend) blew her mind out doing drugs one day while I was at work. She ended up with a small child's intelligent level, after being a well-educated person. last I heard she is still institutionalized from the incident. I guess I have a bad choice in women. I will never condemn, or judge someone who chooses to get high. And I don't think I am "better" than others because I have never gotten high or even drank alcohol in my life; not even once. I have never spent a second in jail. But I have received a few parking tickets and 2 speeding tickets. I guess I am just venting here. Not sure anyone will even read this. Heck, I am not even sure if anybody who "loves" this really even will read it. I just wanted to write. If anyone would like to be my friend on Facebook here is how to friend request me: http://facebook.com/marctomas.vrhovacAnyway sorry for such a negative post. I just needed to write.
