A portion from a recent project.
"He said it clear as day. He called me a liar. He gave me a nature of malice towards him, and sat me next to all the worthless women in his life. I saw every moment before then just go up into flames. Burning in the deepest parts of me, turning into these embers of clarity. I could see for the first time what I had to be to him. Nothing more than a face in a sea of faces, a number to notch in the bedroom, a no one at all. It was as if I had spent the last few years with a man, who didnt know anything about me at all.
I could feel my heart concave and collapse upon its self. His words sinking, the way ache does once the shock has faded away. When we are left with only sudden truth, and we are grasping for something to hide our naked ignorance with. I wanted to go back, and undo everything I ever meant for him. I wanted to not care enough about him to be this hurt."
"He said it clear as day. He called me a liar. He gave me a nature of malice towards him, and sat me next to all the worthless women in his life. I saw every moment before then just go up into flames. Burning in the deepest parts of me, turning into these embers of clarity. I could see for the first time what I had to be to him. Nothing more than a face in a sea of faces, a number to notch in the bedroom, a no one at all. It was as if I had spent the last few years with a man, who didnt know anything about me at all.
I could feel my heart concave and collapse upon its self. His words sinking, the way ache does once the shock has faded away. When we are left with only sudden truth, and we are grasping for something to hide our naked ignorance with. I wanted to go back, and undo everything I ever meant for him. I wanted to not care enough about him to be this hurt."
Strange that I've noticed how other people can have this lust or passion for another person without taking the time to learn of each other and yet still hold a relationship for a long time and in some cases break up but it makes me wonder how things get so far from the times when things were good that a breakup is needed (usually as a result of taking the time to get to know each other and being repulsed by each other's ways of thinking and or being).
On the other hand I'm by nature full of questions and have managed to alienate my self to a life of almost no social connections due to not wanting to be hurt again as I have in the past that each time I noticed more and more the signs of "been there and done that" so I'm not going to allow that to go any further making me wonder if I may have shut off some of the people I care about that maybe could have over time had a more so fair relationship with me be it friendship or otherwise.
Have you ever felt like that?
Sorry if that's all too much for a comment but I feel very out spoken now