life is busy now. busy busy busy. not the fun type of busy - rather, the "how early do i need to get up in order to do all that i have to do before i go to work and make more money that's already spent" type of busy.
i'm angry. been so for days. sick of this feeling of working and wanting and waiting for things to align. slow and metered time, like the big inner gears of a clock. tension held fast in teeth biting down, interlocking. the big gears move the hour hand. the middle one moves the minute hand. my head is the small one, spinning dizzy and silent, moving the second hand slowly around.
i'm dreaming of big open seas, and shade.
i'm dearing of cool, quiet rooms filled with machines, all patched into each other. no more repairs. no more dust and dirty pots. everything there. signal flowing smoothly. everything sounding like it should, and me calmly knowing exactly how and why.
i'm dreaming of screaming and shattering things.
i'm dreaming of fucking a roomfull of people.
and i'm dreaming of crying in one person's arms.
i'm angry. been so for days. sick of this feeling of working and wanting and waiting for things to align. slow and metered time, like the big inner gears of a clock. tension held fast in teeth biting down, interlocking. the big gears move the hour hand. the middle one moves the minute hand. my head is the small one, spinning dizzy and silent, moving the second hand slowly around.
i'm dreaming of big open seas, and shade.
i'm dearing of cool, quiet rooms filled with machines, all patched into each other. no more repairs. no more dust and dirty pots. everything there. signal flowing smoothly. everything sounding like it should, and me calmly knowing exactly how and why.
i'm dreaming of screaming and shattering things.
i'm dreaming of fucking a roomfull of people.
and i'm dreaming of crying in one person's arms.
minus the fucking a roomful of people part. that part makes me smile, despite myself.
p.s. i have mondays off now.