dulcemara

I get alot of messages from people who want to chat, get to know me etc. For the most part they are decent people who I enjoy conversation with. But I am tired of getting these FUCKS who seem to think that the only thing I am good for is a piece of ass, and that if I don't give it up, that makes me...
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I am so damn tired of my life. I am so tired of being unhappy. I hate who I am. For once I just want to be content with some portion of my life. But I don't know how to do that anymore. I don't know how to do anything. I feel like I'm going crazy. I just want to forget about shit for just...
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Well, when I got off of work today I went over to my moms to pick up Jordon's bday presents. And my mom preceded to talk to me about a Doctor Phil episode that she saw on self mutilation. She than began to talk to me about my cutting etc for almost 2 hours. She asked me questions, and apologized for not recognizing my problems....
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So I woke up this morning and my name is now Alabama1. Apparantly a new SG wanted that name so the name that I have had for over a year is no longer mine.

Kinda messed up I think.

OH WELL.

I did not die. I swear. I know it seems like it. Just been really busy trying to get life situated. Which seems to be more of a task than I expected. It looks like I will be staying in the hosue with Brandon at least until Feb. We will see how things go by than and what we decide to do. It is just...
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I am an asshole. I lied to brandon so many times in our relationship and he continued to give me chance after chance. I deserve everything that i get out of this. I know that I deserve ten times the pain that I am feeling right now. I was hoping to at least be able to salvage our friendship out of this since he is...
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Well things are only getting worse. I found out that Brandon has been sleeping with this other chic and has feelngs for her and blah blah blah. He said he was gonna tell me and that he had my best interest at heart, which may be true. But he was wrong. So it seems that any hope that I had of us being together is...
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I'm trying really hard to be strong. And supportive of what Brandon feels he needs to do. But the idea of him being with other people just makes my stomache turn. I really hope that this turns out to be for the better and doesn't end up destroying what we had/could have had. I just hope he finds what hes looking for and becomes happy...
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Had a nervous breakdown today. That wasn't fun. Can't sleep, eyes are all puffy. Not doing so good. Will someone mail me some strength so I can buck up and get through this shit. LOL.

Reality sux. Especially when you realize that everything that is making you miserable is your own fault. Than you look in the mirror and realize that you dont like who you are. Or who you have become. Talk about a self esteem knock down.

Work sux ass. We can't keep anyone so I keep on losing days off. I'm tired, I hurt, and I'm extremely...
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