drewvis

had a good talk with my brother today while at work. the past few months i've been really not myself. i had a bunch of stuff that i had bottled up all come out at the same time and i just snapped. i'm sure you all remember when that happened. i tried telling everyone that it was only my problems that were making me feel that way. i pushed my friends and loved ones away and hurt a few of them. it troubles me that i did this and i hope that they can forgive me for my actions. they are the ones that truly meen the world too me. what's bothering me now is that i don't know who or how i can gain their full trust back. i've gotten over my troubles and one of the main reasons i dealt with them rather than force them to the back burner again was when i realized all my friends were bummed and starting to distance themselves from me. i've always had my close friend move away from me my whole life and the fact that i was now pushing them away bummed me out. i nearly lost it all.

loosing my uncle was one of the hardest things i've ever had to deal with. it was like loosing my dad and best friend all at the same time. i still get misty eyed when i think about em. i miss the dude. it's hard for me to even look at pictures of em. i still fear the day that i loose the one person inmy life that means more than life itself. my mom. i don't like the fact that she is all alone in her appartment in vista. i want her to move down here so she could be closer. if you though a few months ago was bad just wait till i'll have to deal with that. she did so much to provide for my brother and i when we were growing up now that i tink about it it's truly crazy. she suffered so much just so that we could have the newest clothes and stuff. it's all the little things. her getting us a nintendo and color tv for christmas one year when we had no money at all. i still have no idea what she had to give up to be able to do that for us that year. i love her with all my heart. call me a mama's boy i don't give a fuck. she rules. i will never do anything to let her down.

i thank you all for sticking with me and not giving up hope. i should be back to my normal self shortly. please bear with me. I Love You All. I don't know what i would do without you. please forgive me for my past break down and know that it was nothing any of you did, it all had to deal with my own personal problems.