draym

I came to a very depressing realization about my life in the last 24 hours. Last night while at the bar, I realized how lonely my life really is. I have many good friends, but no best friends that I feel a deep connection with. This is mainly because I have been using my plans to move to florida as a barrier I guess. Also, I have not had one meaningful relationship, all have been short-lived. Usually they are a combination of finidng the wrong girl for me/looking in the wrong places and types. Also, the whole florida thing and my own stupid attitude/personality. It really is true that nice guys finish last. Sometimes I say to myself to try and be a dick for a night, but I just thing about how thats not me and don't do it. I really am growing tired of my friends telling me not to worry, be patient. And I hate when they wait till after a relationship is over to tell me she was not good for me. It seems like all the girls I would love to be in a relationship, are already in one. Life is full of shit flops sometime.
Then there is my drinking. I love to drink, I'm pretty sure I am borderline alcoholic. I started drinking to loosen up my shy personality, and it has worked, but once again it has not helped my ability to meet a good person. Now, I don't go to bars to meet girls, I just go there to have fun and meet people. I'm not asking for one-night stands, I just want to find a meaningful relationship.
Most people live life on up and down scales, it just seems like my life is a downward spiral. I need to find a way to turn this around.
Fuck, its not like anyone reads this blog. I still write this knowing I will not get feedback. I live the life as a permanent "oh I know Doug". So basically I know this blog is an incredible waste of time, its like putting a message in a bottle asking someone to find me on my deserted island.