My patience has been totally shot lately. I'm still angry a good 80% of the time and it's really becoming a physical strain. Although i am no longer taking things out on the people i care about, i can't help but think i have a lot of unresolved issues that one day i might have to deal with.
what's very twisted though is for once i'm really happy in my own skin. every scar, bump, bruise, i've fucking earned. because it shows at least i'm fucking living life, even though i'm unhappy with bullshit trivial shit. i'm glad i shut the fuck up about everything that's gotten to me that i cant fix right now and worked on making ME happy. not some guy, not my friends, not my family, ME. Some alone time has really done me some fucking good.
still, when i really think about it, with all i've had to put up with, deal with and unwillingly go through in the past year, i'm one royally fucked up kid. and my methods of dealing with it will eventually have to stop. i'm just sick of being so mad at everything and miserable when i have to think about how the fuck i even got here. i've succeed at rebuilding that wall i was trying to set up 3 years ago and i'm sorry that a lot of people might not like it, but it's really for my own good.
On the health front i'm surprisingly ok -knock on wood- but i'm still extremely paranoid.
The tattoo is healing nicely, and freakishly quick like always. still feel like i got beat up though, but i've been through tons worse.
I hate that tomorrow is sunday which means i go back to work the following day. Friday was so awkward and i just sat there most of the time asking "what the fuck am i really doing here?" I'm not motivated and im extremely apathetic, at work and otherwise. it's a strange little rut, but it gets the best of everyone from time to time.
Dose is working for the weekend.
what's very twisted though is for once i'm really happy in my own skin. every scar, bump, bruise, i've fucking earned. because it shows at least i'm fucking living life, even though i'm unhappy with bullshit trivial shit. i'm glad i shut the fuck up about everything that's gotten to me that i cant fix right now and worked on making ME happy. not some guy, not my friends, not my family, ME. Some alone time has really done me some fucking good.
still, when i really think about it, with all i've had to put up with, deal with and unwillingly go through in the past year, i'm one royally fucked up kid. and my methods of dealing with it will eventually have to stop. i'm just sick of being so mad at everything and miserable when i have to think about how the fuck i even got here. i've succeed at rebuilding that wall i was trying to set up 3 years ago and i'm sorry that a lot of people might not like it, but it's really for my own good.
On the health front i'm surprisingly ok -knock on wood- but i'm still extremely paranoid.
The tattoo is healing nicely, and freakishly quick like always. still feel like i got beat up though, but i've been through tons worse.
I hate that tomorrow is sunday which means i go back to work the following day. Friday was so awkward and i just sat there most of the time asking "what the fuck am i really doing here?" I'm not motivated and im extremely apathetic, at work and otherwise. it's a strange little rut, but it gets the best of everyone from time to time.
Dose is working for the weekend.
noone03:
i hate those little ruts too. and i know all too well about being pissed off all the damn time. i just hide it well........fucking retards everywhere though.