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disynthetic

Saint Louis

Member Since 2004

Followers 56 Following 138

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Thursday Oct 14, 2010

Oct 14, 2010
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My favorite part of Autumn is how warm the sun feels. Most days during Autumn have a hint of chill in every breeze, and the sun's warmth is a welcome reprieve of comfort. Today when I was walking, and while I did I would pass between shadows and sunlight and I found myself quickening to get out of the shadow, only to slow down in the sun. To a distant observer I imagine that looked rather silly, as I crossed the campus promenade. Indeed, I would be the type of person to notice, had our roles been reversed.

The thing about winter that I actually don't like is the silence. Everything is muted. It's eerie. Like Stephen King following you around telling you personal stories that center around you. But then after a month or so I come around and I get used to it. I focus on the fun things, like skiing, ice skating, warm fires, warm clothes, coffee and hot chocolate. I'm less fond of spending a lot of time indoors but I manage.

The thing is, I would rather avoid seasonal change entirely. I want Spring all year long. I need that kind of control over things : )

I guess I better get all my outdoor excercising out of the way now. I'll have to cram it all in, because my municipalities doesn't bother to snowplow the jogging paths. Or salt them. And some of them are go up and down hills, and I'm already foreseeing a sprained ankle in my future. I guess it's time to renew my YMCA membership when the first snow hits.

Treadmills are blase.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
chrysis:


I think I've still got a shot. -_-;
Oct 17, 2010
chrysis:
Coffeeresponsetime.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Um. I guess just, thanks for saying that. Because, that actually was .. -oddly- hard to do. Not that I was, like, y'know, sleeve-wiping the tears away so that I could see the screen or anything. It was nothing I hadn't been over and over in my head a million times, privately, either while the whole thing was happening, or in the time after. I knew every detail back and forth and through. But some things you just put in such a weird place in your brain, and you can't pull them out and translate them into something that will fit out of your mouth.

And that is so .. fuckin' foreign to me.

I sat there with a blinking cursor at so many points. Just sat. Sometimes in the middle of sentences, at a loss for ONE WORD. That I had no concept of. Not that I was being picky. Just no concept of what I was ..

I don't know. I don't -do- that. I write quickly. I don't think when I write -- the way you don't sit there with a "blinking cursor" in your brain when you speak [most people don't?]. Which is why people can write me something and ten minutes later have a two page response. It's in my head as I'm reading, and I throw it down.

This was kind of a disturbing thing.

But I felt seventy pounds lighter, after. Not in the small way I always do after writing. In the big way. In the healthy way.

I don't often feel shame. I simply don't have many sources of it in my life. Other things that are related to it and come close, yes. But this hit me hard. I think for that reason. But to be honest with myself means not cutting around and babying sore spots, right?

Anyway. So that was a first.

Oct 17, 2010

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