disdain

my friend asked me why people think that he is such an asshole. i told him it's because he lies too much. which is true, he does. he lies about the stupidest things, things that in my mind don't call for a lie. there are other reasons why this guy comes off as an ass... but i got to thinking... all of those reasons, are the reasons why i like him. funny.

i woke up to a pounding on my door and frantic ringing of my door bell at nine this morning. i didn't answer. didn't even get up to spy on whomever dared interrupt my sleep, my precious morning that was supposed to be spent waking at my leisure. why? because in my mind, anyone that wants to see me that badly, isn't someone that i want to be around and therefore does not deserve my time. i half expected there to be a stranger who had bled to death on my front porch when i headed out this morning. there wasn't. sure would have been interesting, but the absence of a dead stranger saves me lots of hassle.

i have a secret life. hidden from anybody that i know on a first name basis. i am a stranger. don't ask me what that means.

i'm still sick, but i want to go out. stay awake til i die. i want to swallow some pills, ingest some illegal substances and disappear. sounds like a dream.

my brother wants to die. he's felt that way since he was small. i want to level with him. tell him to stop being such a pussy and just kill himself. but he's mine and i want to keep him here, no matter how miserable he is... because i'm selfish like that. he's a good kid, a smart kid. i wish that he could find himself, but he doesn't stand a chance. none of us do really. funny.

please excuse me, my babbling. i'm running a fever and am bored as hell... boredom is a sign of an uncreative mind, you know...

HA HA HA HA