Thursday Mar 03, 2005

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I am not going to focus on the negative... I am not going to focus on the negative. I am not going to focus on the negative...

Who am I kidding? As much as I try I am just a negative person. My general persona that I show to the world is always just happy and sweet and crazy fun. That is the person that I long to be 24/7 but my own insecurites always fuck things up.

I make all of these friends online and everyone wants a picture. I hate myself. I hate the way that I look and I don't ever want to share that with people. Well unless I look absolutely drop dead gorgeous fucking hot. So most of the pictures taken of me get deleted or torn up by yours truly if in the traditional form. I am sure that there are some flaoting around somewhere. My friends always threaten to post them on the net. Everyone is so beautiful here...

I have to say that I really admire those people who don't fit the norm on beauty who post their pics. I am just not that open of a person...

I didn't talk to the IT guy at school because well... I always fuck things up and find excuses. I need therapy. LOL.

On a lighter note I am supposed to be hanging on with Lloranda75 Saturday. It is my best friend's bday Friday so we are doing the family dinner thing then a Pahtay!!

Saturday night we are supposed to be going dancing. I love dancing. It is the only time I feel really sexy and I don't care about anyone else. I have conflicting moments. I'm an Aries what can I say.

Oh yes and I am developing a serious crush on a fellow SG member. Imagine that....

Ok...back to today's mantra.

I am not going to focus on the negative... I am not going to focus on the negative. I am not going to focus on the negative...



kiss smile
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
blck_flwrsplease:
get some prozac - it works wonders - it works for mesmile and yes those corpses are horrid - I ended up at courttvs crime encyclopedia website thing reading about famous murderers - like an 11 year old girl that strangled little boys - seriously creepy....*shiver*
poetik:
I can totally relate to how you feel about the photos. FOr ages, I refused to take photos because they all made me look really bad. And the thing is, that's not what I saw when I looked in the mirror. So then, I asked myself if what the photos showed was what I really looked like, because everyone else thought it did. And I just wouldn't take another picture. In fact, I once caused a small riot in s class and had to turn myself in to the campus cops -- just because someone took my photo. ARRR!!! But now, I figure if that's what I look like, I'll just have to live with it. So I do, though I still take few pictures... tongue

You know, no one can be anything 24/7... Funny story... I used to think of myself as a really pessimistic person, until a friend of mine, while introducing me to family, said I was the most positive person she's ever known. According to her, I find the positive in every situation and I'm always upbeat, happy and supportive. Until that day, I had no idea that was me... surreal

Sadly, I didn't get snowed in frown It kept snowing, but it was so warm it didn't accumulate very much. Plus, I had a really bad cold so I didn't get to enjoy it much... frown I'll just have to wait until next time...

A crush you say? wink

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