self- induced social isolation; hermitry.
So over the past several weeks I've been putting some effort into staying home. Part of it is the severe lack of funds, the simple fact of how little I make at work- though it's kinda cheap for that to be a main reason behind my solitude as of late. The real reason is for the sake of introspection.
It recently occurred to me that in all the madness of my life I haven't really taken time to decide, factually speaking, what to believe in myself- that I haven't exactly been putting myself to the test every day, trying to live life to the fullest. In order to do that, one needs a proper assessment, or rather, a re-assessment, of their dreams and aspirations as a grown adult.
I've still been having weekly outings with my co-workers; it's a ritual of ours, every Sunday or Monday, to find a place to eat that's open late- which usually means Thai, Korean BBQ, or maybe beloved Tommy's Joynt. We have good food, drink, and conversation; recapping the week, getting stress off our chest, laughing about the week's mishaps. I'm grateful for the consistent nature of these meals and having the opportunity to enjoy the company of my fellow grunts outside of the clatter and hiss.
But apart from those dinners, and a handful of times in which I've hung out with a co-worker buddy of mine, Michael, that's about the only socializing I've had since the turning of the year. This holiday season brought a lot of self- realization, most of which is pretty embarassing in truth; asinine behavior on my behalf, the failure to seize certain serendipitous opportunities which I was a fool to ignore. I know it's not particularly healthy to be this isolated from other people; as I mentioned above I am grateful for the little social interaction which I maintain, but as it's self- encompassing with the workplace, there will soon be a need for me to get back out with other friends in the city.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm making steady progress on my little writing project, my black book. I'm nearing the past year and the myriad of events which shaped me into the person who wrecked his attempted triumphant return to this city- and once again stands to make a comeback. While working on this piece of literature my mind has sprouted a few more seeds of creativity, in music, food, and of course more writing.
----------------------------------------------------------------
I no longer believe that pursuing the apex of the culinary world, at least in the sense of being a "celebrity" chef, a starred chef, is my true dream. I acknowledge the fact that being in the kitchen invigorates me, feeds a certain fire that keeps me moving through this world. At the same time I constantly felt unsatisfied in my efforts in the kitchen, I always knew that I didn't have what it took to be the best of the best. And while I strive to work under the absolute best chefs who will employ me, and surround myself with the most excellent peers of a professional nature, I now know that my primary goal with my career is to find my niche- my style of cooking, level of refinement, and choice of flavor profiles which best represent my soul; the means through which I will find professional and personal success as a chef.
These days I've been thinking that more of a neighborhood style, family friendly restaurant with accommodating prices and menu choices would be up my alley- though I have yet to really define a personal sense of flavor, the ingredients and profiles in which I will present my craft. I do love the classics.
Coming to this milestone of achievement, I believe, will allow me to free my mind toward other creative ventures I would like to pursue in the future.
So over the past several weeks I've been putting some effort into staying home. Part of it is the severe lack of funds, the simple fact of how little I make at work- though it's kinda cheap for that to be a main reason behind my solitude as of late. The real reason is for the sake of introspection.
It recently occurred to me that in all the madness of my life I haven't really taken time to decide, factually speaking, what to believe in myself- that I haven't exactly been putting myself to the test every day, trying to live life to the fullest. In order to do that, one needs a proper assessment, or rather, a re-assessment, of their dreams and aspirations as a grown adult.
I've still been having weekly outings with my co-workers; it's a ritual of ours, every Sunday or Monday, to find a place to eat that's open late- which usually means Thai, Korean BBQ, or maybe beloved Tommy's Joynt. We have good food, drink, and conversation; recapping the week, getting stress off our chest, laughing about the week's mishaps. I'm grateful for the consistent nature of these meals and having the opportunity to enjoy the company of my fellow grunts outside of the clatter and hiss.
But apart from those dinners, and a handful of times in which I've hung out with a co-worker buddy of mine, Michael, that's about the only socializing I've had since the turning of the year. This holiday season brought a lot of self- realization, most of which is pretty embarassing in truth; asinine behavior on my behalf, the failure to seize certain serendipitous opportunities which I was a fool to ignore. I know it's not particularly healthy to be this isolated from other people; as I mentioned above I am grateful for the little social interaction which I maintain, but as it's self- encompassing with the workplace, there will soon be a need for me to get back out with other friends in the city.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm making steady progress on my little writing project, my black book. I'm nearing the past year and the myriad of events which shaped me into the person who wrecked his attempted triumphant return to this city- and once again stands to make a comeback. While working on this piece of literature my mind has sprouted a few more seeds of creativity, in music, food, and of course more writing.
----------------------------------------------------------------
I no longer believe that pursuing the apex of the culinary world, at least in the sense of being a "celebrity" chef, a starred chef, is my true dream. I acknowledge the fact that being in the kitchen invigorates me, feeds a certain fire that keeps me moving through this world. At the same time I constantly felt unsatisfied in my efforts in the kitchen, I always knew that I didn't have what it took to be the best of the best. And while I strive to work under the absolute best chefs who will employ me, and surround myself with the most excellent peers of a professional nature, I now know that my primary goal with my career is to find my niche- my style of cooking, level of refinement, and choice of flavor profiles which best represent my soul; the means through which I will find professional and personal success as a chef.
These days I've been thinking that more of a neighborhood style, family friendly restaurant with accommodating prices and menu choices would be up my alley- though I have yet to really define a personal sense of flavor, the ingredients and profiles in which I will present my craft. I do love the classics.
Coming to this milestone of achievement, I believe, will allow me to free my mind toward other creative ventures I would like to pursue in the future.