deviantchef

It's funny how often the ones who support us are also the most determined to see us fail. Not in the sense of outright animosity but a sort of paradoxical trial, the idea that putting doubts in the way of the ones you have hope for will make them strive even harder in the name of success. Sort of like a sensei beating their student ruthlessly to make them stronger. I used to be confused by this, but have learned to think of it as conditioning and welcome the challenge. It's a cheesy line but the hook to "So Ambitious" from Blueprint 3 says it very well:

"The motivation for me, was them telling me what I could not be, oh well..."

I've spent much of my life on the start- over tip. Making a few steps of progress and falling down, trapped in a self- destructive cycle of weakness and failure. I see now that it was an overreaction towards those little mistakes, the trip ups with which I fooled myself into thinking I had to start back at square one, a sort of psych- out where I would prevent myself from making any sort of actual personal progress. Failures and tribulations have as much potential for advancement as success, they merely need to be perceived and digested in the proper manner.

I've been saying for years that I do things at my own pace, that as a perfectionist when I feel my training or development is complete, I will move onto the next stage. But I am beginning to see that my life is short, that the old attitude held towards life is one of complacency. The future isn't established, but it's something that needs to be molded with actions taken today. So no more sitting around waiting for fate. Fate is decided by realization.