Trump: Not "The President Who Was Promised"
While there are still thousands of rabid supporters of a Donald Trump America, many of the once-fanatical voters are changing their tune as their president-elect makes foundational changes to the way things are done. Many of his once staunch supporters now realize he is not Azor Ahai, The President Who Was Promised.
"It's that damned Red Woman," says once-retarded-but-now-former-Trump supporter, James Franklin. "Melania Trump is a foreigner and a priestess of R'hllor, the Red God. She whispers in his ear, and he follows!"
The Red God is widely worshipped in Russia, which comes as no surprise. It is prophesied that from the ashes of democracy will rise a champion, The President Who Was Promised.
Continued James, "I may or may not have spied on her when she was taking a bath, one time. She took off this medieval looking choker adorned with a blood red gem in it. When she did, her body changed into a decrepit old lady with tits like two runny eggs nailed to a wrinkly old leather handbag."
At the Red Woman's behest, Trump has caused mayhem throughout the election and well into the days leading up to his inauguration. It is widely believed they were behind the death of former Attorney General Janet Reno, who was often outspoken against Trump, and was cited saying "I'll die before I see Donald Trump as president." Quite the zinger, Janet.
Said smuggler and part time male midwife Davos Seaworth, "I was there in November, when Melania was pregnant. From her dusty old vaginal cavity, she birthed a shadowy demon with the visage of Donald Trump! And later that day, Janet Reno was murdered! The woman is pure evil!"
Trump's inauguration ceremony is also becoming highly suspect as the Red Woman has convinced him to dump 60 year inauguration announcer veteran Charlie Brotman in favor of 80's rock band the Scorpions. Brotman, who is 89 years old, has announced the inauguration of the last eleven presidents, dating back to Eisenhower.
"I've been doing this since Jesus," Charlie explained to the press. "And now he wants to replace me with an 80's hair metal band? Why? So he can have Winds of Change playing when he takes stage?" Clearly distraught, Charlie could say no more. Personally, we believe he should have Rock You Like a Hurricane playing.
Also slated to make appearances at his inauguration are the whitest black rapper alive, Kanye West, 313 illegal immigrants who will be individually slowly lowered into a vat of hydrofluoric acid, and Russian President Vladimir Putin, who will be dressed only in a thong fashioned out of a Russian flag, and singing Frank Sinatra's New York, New York.
Whatever the Red Woman's intentions and end game are, only time will tell. In the meantime, Americans with half a brain, or more, will hold out for the real President Who Was Promised. We're betting on Jon Snow. And no, not the Jon Snow from The Hunger Games; we're talking about the King in the North.
President-elect Trump takes office, and will thereafter be qualified for impeachment, on January 20th.
In Other News:
Famed actress Meryl Streep was awarded the coveted Cecil B. Demille Award at the Golden Globe celebration this weekend for her lifetime achievements in the entertainment industry. She used her six minutes of acceptance speech time to tear President-elect Trump's asshole to shreds, a process we once thought impossible, but after weeks of field testing, discovered that an asshole can - in fact - tear like tissue paper. I digress. Meryl pulled no punches when slamming the orange baboon for mocking a reporter with a disability.
While many cheered her opinion of the simian-sired president-to-be, we here at the N3 are firmly guilty of mocking people with disabilities. Like president-elects with fetal alcohol syndrome.
