President Declares War. On Fashion

Seattle, WA. - F22 Raptor attack aircraft scream through the sky and circle the tower that houses the Nordstrom's headquarters. On the streets below, US Army Abram's tanks wrestle their way through the trenches dug into the roads. Explosions rock the area, knocking Humvees with .50 caliber machine guns around from side to side. Gunfire from every direction lights...
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user8992:
My anus is never prepared either lol.. you are a nut. Good thing I like nuts.. 聽馃槷馃槥馃槒 wait! What did I just say. 聽 Lol.. 馃槣
deuteranopia:
@user8992 I do, too. Hazelnuts and pistachios are tops!

Crisis Averted in Montana

In the near future...Washington DC - The celebration congratulating the new woefully underqualified Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos was well under way. The tight-lipped Vice President Mike Pence, whose tie-breaking vote ushered in DeVos's victory, gave his opening speech - at the request of Glorious, Magical, and All-Knowing Leader Trump - and called upon Mrs. DeVos to give a speech of her...
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The N3 Goes Historical on Your Ass

Let it never be said that we here at the Neitzel News Network - a bastion of honesty, factual data, and a beacon of truthful reporting - failed to remember, and educate the people on, the happenings in this great country. This being established, we wanted to bring a bit of totally for real, and in no way fabricated, history...
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PornHub to Become Household Name

Adult website, and all around sexual circus, PornHub is vying for a spot in your house with the Wednesday launch of its "informational" sex education-based "Sexual Wellness Center." The site, which is visited by an astonishing 70 million people every day (take notes Digg, CNN, and whitehouse.gov - this is how you make a website!), is known mostly for its...
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A Triumph for the Willfully Dense

The wispy comb-over of our Great and Glorious Leader flapped wildly in a sudden darkening and fierce wind that picked up in the Oval Office as the proposed "Travel Ban" - codenamed Executive Order 66: Extreme Anal Vetting of Immigrants from Muslim-Heavy Countries - was signed into order. Like a proud three year old, our Commander in Chief held up the...
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
jozsef:
First, a question. Did you see the first episode of Red Dwarf? (It's very good.)
deuteranopia:
@jozsef I don't watch a lot of syndicated television, 聽and I've never heard of Red Dwarf. I just Googled it, and it appears this particular series is available on networks in England (though if I had a mind, I could rent them on Amazon). To answer your question, no. Any particular reason?

Inauguration 2017: A Day to Remember

Forget, for a moment, that President - yes, America, PRESIDENT - Trump is the offspring of baboon, or that he has zero political experience, or that he has a strange bromance with Russian President Vladimir Putin, and even the fact that he won the election with his patented "grab her by the pussy" slam finishing move on former Secretary Hillary Rodham...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
deuteranopia:
@shake_the_disease It seems my point was inadvertently proven!
jozsef:
It's astonishing to me, although it shouldn't be, that Americans know as little about NAFTA as Canadians generally do. It has nothing to do with free trade and everything to do with Canada relinquishing power to unelected tribunals of foreign corporate stooges. They adjudicate disputes for the benefit of US corporations. It is now illegal for the Canadian government to prefer a Canadian company when awarding any contract and when we begin to run short of oil, gas or water, we will be obligated to sell the same percentage of our supply to the US at the old price in perpetuity, irrespective of what Canadians are having to pay for these resources at the time. We are allowing the use of toxic and carcinogenic gasoline additives and other products which are banned in the US because corporations have the right to sue for lost profits if anything is banned for reasons as trivial as health and safety. NAFTA is a bill of rights for corporations that cements their dominance over elected governments. I know this sounds like something that you might have made up. I wish it was. Imagine how I feel when Canadians fret over "losing" NAFTA.

Six Hour Traffic Jam Blamed on Temporary Amnesia

Ottawa, IL - A nearly six hour traffic jam that stopped up ten major intersections yesterday has been blamed on the common occurrence of temporary driver's amnesia. Temporary driver's amnesia, often referred to as TDA, is when a driver at the head of traffic stops at a red light and, through the magical boredom that ensues...
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jozsef:
First Drumph and now this. Troubling times indeed.

Martian Lutheran King Day

People all over the United States of America took time, on Monday, to celebrate the coming of our Lord and Savior, the wise and benevolent Martian Lutheran King. In January of 1867, the skies lit up and marked the coming of Ogg-L'opp Or-G没lain, a Martian monk who crash landed in Salt Lake City, Utah. Our Savior came with a message...
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user8992:
馃槷

Local Wizard Carries Grim Warning

Albuquerque, NM - Area man Lucius Fireborne, a purveyor of fine aborted fetal material and local wizard, came to KRQE broadcasting station with a grave message from the future:

鈥淚 have traveled through time,鈥 he warns. 鈥淎nd found nothing but ruin and poorly made taco salads.鈥

Through an incantation that allowed Lucius to leap forward in time, he was able to...
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jozsef:
Time travel is implausible but the rest of it isn't.

Trump: Not "The President Who Was Promised"

While there are still thousands of rabid supporters of a Donald Trump America, many of the once-fanatical voters are changing their tune as their president-elect makes foundational changes to the way things are done. Many of his once staunch supporters now realize he is not Azor Ahai, The President Who Was Promised.

"It's that damned Red Woman...
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jozsef:
You're just being picky. If you look hard enough you can always find something to criticize.聽