It's Saturday, and, as per the usual, I have no plans. So, I've decided I'll do a little masturdate this afternoon. If you are just joining me and have no idea what that is, I wrote about it a couple weeks ago. A masturdater is basically someone who has mastered the art of going on dates by themselves. I'm pretty good...
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deuteranopia:
@colchicine I believe you. It's probably nerve wracking being a woman on foot with all the creepers around. Not to say that you can't handle yourself, but there are some weird motherfuckers out there, and I don't envy you the position of being that woman out there having to walk across a street and being blocked by some dickmouth in a car. If it happens again, just give me a ring and I'll come by and start pretending to be gay and offer him ZJ's (if you have to ask, you can't afford it). Then I'll tell him you're my he-pimp.
colchicine:
It does suck. I have had to call male friends to help me at a couple old jobs when a couple creepers wouldn't take no for an answer and wouldn't leave, trying to hang around and wait for the end of my shift. Each buddy would show up tell the guys they were my boyfriend and to get lost, wouldn't you know it... they would take off quickly. So a woman says she isn't interested and to please stop making advances and bothering her when she is trying to work and they keep doing it, a man says the same thing and they instantly stop and leave, even apologize to the MAN for hitting on his chick (like i'm property or some shit).  If they weren't such creeps they would realize treating a woman as an equal goes a long way. The only line i used that worked every time was telling them i'm a pre-op trans and i'll go out with them if they don't mind that i'm still packing cock and balls. The looks on their faces were priceless :D 

This, my friends, is Josh's Fabulous Chicken and Salami Farfalle. It's fucking yummy. I'm no chef, but I'm not lost in the kitchen. So... ladies... why the fuck am I single again? Probably because of wretched goddamn selfies like this:

It screams "I'm under-educated, but think I'm smart! I have a federal job. Who wants to date me?" Doesn
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amberetta:
you still have that Spell Czech shirt?!? lol and that gif of whats her face reminds me of one of my clients... bee tee dubs, what is the recipe?

Four years ago today, I was living in Clovis, New Mexico. I was in what I thought was a decent relationship, but I wanted a little something extra. I needed more companionship because the girl I dated and I had opposite extremes for hours, so we almost never saw each other. So she and I decided to get a dog. More specifically, we wanted to...
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VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
deuteranopia:
Sorry to hear it @memnoch666 . There's a lot of those feels this week, and not just from me. My good friend in OKC here just had to put down his 16 year old chocolate lab because she had a brain tumor and was experiencing seizures. He had that dog when he and I lived together 15 years ago! Love your fur babies, and make sure they know you do.
tschppt:
Dude that made me sad. Sorry you had to go through that. They were beautiful animals.

First off, I wanted to start by letting people know I've taken the modern day plunge and downloaded one of those newfangled chat apps for my Android device (Kik, specifically). So, if ever you were on this site and thought to yourself "that dude would be interesting to chat with sometime. I wonder if he *insert colloquialism regarding chat platform*?" Well, now you know...
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deuteranopia:
@leighla and I adore those glasses.
leighla:
@deuteranopia thank you!

The last couple weeks have been rough. I've been working hard, trying to learn a new job and all that it entails, and trying to keep my shit together after several prospective dating rejections (yeah, several). So, I turned to the bottle. Last night was no different. I drank a LOT. And somehow, in my stupor, was able to vomit forth a depressing blog...
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VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
jozsef:
So, something involving decay or destruction is funny if it's written with the intention to amuse? I did not know that. I wonder what other surprises life has waiting. TBH, I'm not completely convinced, but tell me this, do you like hurting small animals? I had to ask. :P
deuteranopia:
@jozsef I don't like hurting any animals. I love them all. In fact I miss my pups more than anything in the world.

You know, depression sucks, but there are bright sides to it. Here are a few:

- You can sleep like 17 hours straight!

- You can save money on going out to see movies or dinner, because all you're compelled to do is watch sad fucking movies on Netflix all day!

- You can save money on gas, because the only place you're going to go...
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sagee:
I like the sleeping and saving money part. I'm slowly getting over my depression. Hope all is well! 
stephencreative:
Great for writing depressing poetry/writing. Happy people can't write depressing poetry as good as a depressed person.

Had day four of my two week new hire overhaul orientation course today. The instructor walked in and started handing out pieces of blue paper. I saw a single pink sheet and told him to give me that one because I don't give a fuck. I'm THAT guy. He obliged. Once all handed out, he told everyone to draw a pig.

What? Draw...
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VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
deuteranopia:
@chefbeth to be fair, it was a four minute exercise in silliness to counter the remaining 7.98 hours of "maintenance for beginners" class that made me want to stab myself in the ocular cavity with a rusty spork and hope for tetanus. 
chefbeth:
Haha

I took myself on a date to go see The Ant Man (I even paid! It was a matinee! I'm a cheap date...) which was, in true Marvel Movie fashion, absolutely phenomenal. However, the interaction I had beforehand threw me off a little. To preface this short story, I know the other day I said I was swearing off complimenting people -- women especially -- out
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VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
amberetta:
This reminds me of a guy I used to work with. He was at the bar and he chatted up a chick and she asked if they saw each other at the bar again if they could hang. Well, dude told her that he wasn't looking for a relationship but they definitely could. He told me that and I called him a dick because the way it sounded to me was that she just wanted to hang. Maybe she was a lesbian? Who knows but I was like "think highly of yourself much?" I hate when people do that. I like to go with the flow. Also, it's not that hard to just say "Thank you!" when someone compliments you. No need to explain to strangers unless they ask. 
tbars:
I personally find it a bit cocky to mention the boyfriend thing when complimented. Just because someone says you look nice doesn't mean they want to date or fuck you. However, because I smile at people or return a hello or a wave, many guys take that as a que to ask me out. Can't I just be nice and not want to date you? I do not let this deter me from being who I am though. I will continue to be nice, not snub people or be a snotty bitch. I don't mind being asked out and then politely saying no thank you :D
jaynamolana:
cheers!
alinefoltran:
Este Vodk perfect!!!!

Bored, and the only single person in my ever-waning group of friends, on a Saturday. May as well take a picture, right?

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shazzie23:
😮 ill purchase a plaster for that burn 😎
lostre:
Those glasses, and that beard. 💋