New Forms of Terrorism, New Countermeasures

Terrorism has taken its grim toll in the last few decades, and with its body count comes newer, more devious methods of exacting that toll. From suicide bombings to using airplanes as high-speed lawn darts, to vast amounts of liquid Syphilis dumped into civilian water supplies. Now soldiers and civilians in decadent, immoral Western filth-pig lands face a new...
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Breitbart Acquires Major Comic Book Company

As Walt Disney bought out Marvel Comics (and thusly Marvel Comics Studios, the movie division of the comic book company) back in 2009, the Breitbart News Network bought out the redundantly named D.C. Comics in an effort to push the conservative agenda, as well as promote newly appointed President Trump's ideology in a form they believe will...
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President Unveils ObamaCare Replacement

Washington DC - It's been a busy week for Oh Wise and Overripe Ruler Trump. Earlier in the week he repealed Title X (Ten) which was enacted in May of last year by former President Obama. The title called for policing of transgender people who attempted to use the incorrectly assigned bathrooms by way of formerly decommissioned Sentinel Mutant-Hunting cyborgs. With...
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I haven't been back to Wisconsin (my home state) for nearly a decade. The last time I was up there, it was for my father's wake (no need to apologize, I hated the man with an undying passion. I only went because he had the good graces to conceive me in the first place). I'm not much of a family man, but...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
deuteranopia:
@cessie between that and the lion balls, it was tough to choose a favorite, but you're right, the Trump Hotel one wins out.
user8992:
Love it! Great blog my friend 😊

President Declares War. On Fashion

Seattle, WA. - F22 Raptor attack aircraft scream through the sky and circle the tower that houses the Nordstrom's headquarters. On the streets below, US Army Abram's tanks wrestle their way through the trenches dug into the roads. Explosions rock the area, knocking Humvees with .50 caliber machine guns around from side to side. Gunfire from every direction lights...
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user8992:
My anus is never prepared either lol.. you are a nut. Good thing I like nuts..  😮😞😏 wait! What did I just say.   Lol.. 😜
deuteranopia:
@user8992 I do, too. Hazelnuts and pistachios are tops!

Crisis Averted in Montana

In the near future...Washington DC - The celebration congratulating the new woefully underqualified Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos was well under way. The tight-lipped Vice President Mike Pence, whose tie-breaking vote ushered in DeVos's victory, gave his opening speech - at the request of Glorious, Magical, and All-Knowing Leader Trump - and called upon Mrs. DeVos to give a speech of her...
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The N3 Goes Historical on Your Ass

Let it never be said that we here at the Neitzel News Network - a bastion of honesty, factual data, and a beacon of truthful reporting - failed to remember, and educate the people on, the happenings in this great country. This being established, we wanted to bring a bit of totally for real, and in no way fabricated, history...
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PornHub to Become Household Name

Adult website, and all around sexual circus, PornHub is vying for a spot in your house with the Wednesday launch of its "informational" sex education-based "Sexual Wellness Center." The site, which is visited by an astonishing 70 million people every day (take notes Digg, CNN, and whitehouse.gov - this is how you make a website!), is known mostly for its...
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A Triumph for the Willfully Dense

The wispy comb-over of our Great and Glorious Leader flapped wildly in a sudden darkening and fierce wind that picked up in the Oval Office as the proposed "Travel Ban" - codenamed Executive Order 66: Extreme Anal Vetting of Immigrants from Muslim-Heavy Countries - was signed into order. Like a proud three year old, our Commander in Chief held up the...
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
jozsef:
First, a question. Did you see the first episode of Red Dwarf? (It's very good.)
deuteranopia:
@jozsef I don't watch a lot of syndicated television,  and I've never heard of Red Dwarf. I just Googled it, and it appears this particular series is available on networks in England (though if I had a mind, I could rent them on Amazon). To answer your question, no. Any particular reason?

Inauguration 2017: A Day to Remember

Forget, for a moment, that President - yes, America, PRESIDENT - Trump is the offspring of baboon, or that he has zero political experience, or that he has a strange bromance with Russian President Vladimir Putin, and even the fact that he won the election with his patented "grab her by the pussy" slam finishing move on former Secretary Hillary Rodham...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
deuteranopia:
@shake_the_disease It seems my point was inadvertently proven!
jozsef:
It's astonishing to me, although it shouldn't be, that Americans know as little about NAFTA as Canadians generally do. It has nothing to do with free trade and everything to do with Canada relinquishing power to unelected tribunals of foreign corporate stooges. They adjudicate disputes for the benefit of US corporations. It is now illegal for the Canadian government to prefer a Canadian company when awarding any contract and when we begin to run short of oil, gas or water, we will be obligated to sell the same percentage of our supply to the US at the old price in perpetuity, irrespective of what Canadians are having to pay for these resources at the time. We are allowing the use of toxic and carcinogenic gasoline additives and other products which are banned in the US because corporations have the right to sue for lost profits if anything is banned for reasons as trivial as health and safety. NAFTA is a bill of rights for corporations that cements their dominance over elected governments. I know this sounds like something that you might have made up. I wish it was. Imagine how I feel when Canadians fret over "losing" NAFTA.