deuteranopia

An American Milestone: U.S. Elects First Orange President

Orange is the new Black on Capitol Hill as President Barack Obama will move aside for President-elect Donald J. Trump. In an historic election that baffled pundits, political analysts, and, well basically everyone out there, the Republican nominee destroyed Hillary Clinton once and for all. Every electoral vote cast for Trump fed his power in the waning hours of the night, and the street fight between the two candidates lasted for hours.

As results trickled in from the great state of Wisconsin - a state long thought to be in Clinton's sweaty grasp - Trump pulled off a combo finisher that utterly annihilated his opponent. Donald poised to attack the vulnerable Clinton, and did so with ferocity. He pummeled her with his patented "I'm gonna put a fucking wall around Mexico" flying knee kick. Clinton feebly attempted to defend it with her "those emails totally didn't contain any sensitive material or anything" block, but the Don's attack wouldn't be stopped.

Then the results from Florida came in. Bolstered once again, Trump threw himself all in with a series of immigration law jabs and uppercuts to the chest, face, and throat of the dazed Clinton. After the vicious attack, Hillary - miraculously still standing - wavered about, too stunned and disoriented to do anything.

"Finish her!" shouted Vice Presidential running mate Mike Pence.

Trump complied. Using his fatality finishing move of up, up, right, down to right, A + B + Left Trigger, Trump used his signature "grab her by the pussy" choke slam on the unsuspecting former First Lady.

Hillary Rodham Clinton was no more. Her vagina severed from the rest of her body, now a lifeless husk.
Trump triumphantly held up the remains of the disembodied womanhood for his loyal followers to drink in the musky odor of blood and desiccated uterine lining. He had done it. He sent a message to the simple-minded masses, and the masses acquiesced by voting for him.

"This is a day I've long dreamed of," he said, throwing down the bloody viscera. "The day of man is coming to an end. The day of the ape is close at hand!" shouted the simian sired billionaire.

No funeral arrangements have been made, yet, for the former Secretary Clinton. Trump has requested her bloody husk be hung at the entrance to Trump Tower next to the ashen bodies of former opponents Ted Cruz and John Kasich. Seen celebrating with the President-elect was none other than Satan himself. Lucifer seemed pleased by the resulting fatality of Clinton. When asked for a word, he merely replied by belching flies at our reporters.

Trump is slated to take office on the 20th of January, 2017.


In Other News:
Vermont Senator, and former Democratic presidential opponent to Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders has exclaimed that every quarter for the next four years, he'll appear at Donald Trump's presidential announcements to photobomb Donald and shout "Do you miss me yet?" to anyone willing to hear him.