Bonjour Fuckers,
Welcome again to my blog. There are many like it, but this blog is mine. I choose to start my story...now:
In today's delightfully gelastic episode of my disposable life:
Congradulations! You are the 1 millionth visitor to my blog, to redeem your prize simply click on the link below*:
youtu.be/BwnATYC8SBw
In this week's news I smell funny, Amercan politics smells funny, Religion smells funny, funny smells different.
Why I smell funny: Is eating a subway foot long on the train home an time effective way to gain sustenance? No, It is an apt vehicle for drawing attention to one's self. The resulting fallout of shredded lettuce, pickles and other Subway Fresh (trademark registered) ingredients becomes an impromtu performance act (as you pick off sauce laden ingredients from your person) shared by disgusted commuters as they commit your terrible table manners to memory, to share as a hillarious anecdote or cautionary tale to others. It also doesn't help when you're listening to music and you accidently bite through your headphone cable as it gets caught between you and the Italian BMT on honey oat....line, 'haha that fat guy just ate his headphone cable! Hungry tubby? Does tubby want headphones with his nom noms?' Yeah this is about me, learn from my fail!
Why American Politics smell funny: by now my US mates are so sick of the unfunny circus that is the election campaign that they are polishing their rifles and cleaning their telescopic sights. Here's some great news, you get to choose more of the same, or elect an overpriveleged manbaby who was born with a silver spoon up his anus. I've been watching the news, Romney banging on about all the pesky poor people expecting a hand out, women who insist on working instead of taking their rightful place pursuing the domestic sciences and just shutting the fuck up. Oh yeah back flip, binders of women yadda yadda, tax cuts to the uber rich so that Romney & his mates can enjoy a 0.82% tax rate for every dollar. Blah blah I'm white and rich vote for me, the coloured guy is a clown and doesn't know what he's doing even though he inherited the ecomony my brainless mate, Republican, George 'I like to start wars' Bush left behind. Honestly I am the only one who sees this shit for what it is?? I'm not saying Obama is a saint, I still still believe America is run by a corporatocracy but letting Republicans loose on the American economy is like leaving a pyromaniac in charge of a matchbox manufacturer ajoining the oily rag factory, next to the lumber yard, next to the fireworks warehouse opposite the oil refinery! That aside, filthy rich pricks should not be in charge of your future, its just fucking stupid!
Why religion smells funny: If God is real, and string theory is real, does this mean that when I die I meet alternate versions of myself in the after life? Will we get along? Is there a dimensional heaven where we are separated? Can I form a football team made soley of me? Can we form a kick ass band? Will I rock up to a me convention and get upset when I see alternate other versions of me acting like fuckheads and engaging in a circle jerk? If I get rejected from one heaven, do I get to cross universal borders and have a crack at entering another heaven where standards aren't so high? If this is the case, will I have to spend eternity with Cathlolic priests, nuns, Nazis, members of the Politburo and the stars of dozens of awful reality shows? If so would this be considered hell by other heavens in other universes? Drilling further down into the dogmatic bedrock, do I have to be a silly hat wearing mysoginist who incites killing to be accepted into heaven? Is there a VIP area for people who died wearing a bomb vest? Do fundamentalists finally get to use the brain they ignored with such extreme predjudice on earth? Do we just turn up and find a sign saying 'NO VACANCY'?
Funny smells different? Well that's just preposterous! Maybe I shouldn't have included this as a point.
Anyway, questions and funny smells aside that's it for me. If you have answers to my questions that aren't boring and dogma laden please feel free to let me know. Have a lovely day, vote smart.Remember to use your brain at the polling booths, you guys can't afford another rich oblivious asshole with keys to the bomb!
Welcome again to my blog. There are many like it, but this blog is mine. I choose to start my story...now:
In today's delightfully gelastic episode of my disposable life:
Congradulations! You are the 1 millionth visitor to my blog, to redeem your prize simply click on the link below*:
youtu.be/BwnATYC8SBw
In this week's news I smell funny, Amercan politics smells funny, Religion smells funny, funny smells different.
Why I smell funny: Is eating a subway foot long on the train home an time effective way to gain sustenance? No, It is an apt vehicle for drawing attention to one's self. The resulting fallout of shredded lettuce, pickles and other Subway Fresh (trademark registered) ingredients becomes an impromtu performance act (as you pick off sauce laden ingredients from your person) shared by disgusted commuters as they commit your terrible table manners to memory, to share as a hillarious anecdote or cautionary tale to others. It also doesn't help when you're listening to music and you accidently bite through your headphone cable as it gets caught between you and the Italian BMT on honey oat....line, 'haha that fat guy just ate his headphone cable! Hungry tubby? Does tubby want headphones with his nom noms?' Yeah this is about me, learn from my fail!
Why American Politics smell funny: by now my US mates are so sick of the unfunny circus that is the election campaign that they are polishing their rifles and cleaning their telescopic sights. Here's some great news, you get to choose more of the same, or elect an overpriveleged manbaby who was born with a silver spoon up his anus. I've been watching the news, Romney banging on about all the pesky poor people expecting a hand out, women who insist on working instead of taking their rightful place pursuing the domestic sciences and just shutting the fuck up. Oh yeah back flip, binders of women yadda yadda, tax cuts to the uber rich so that Romney & his mates can enjoy a 0.82% tax rate for every dollar. Blah blah I'm white and rich vote for me, the coloured guy is a clown and doesn't know what he's doing even though he inherited the ecomony my brainless mate, Republican, George 'I like to start wars' Bush left behind. Honestly I am the only one who sees this shit for what it is?? I'm not saying Obama is a saint, I still still believe America is run by a corporatocracy but letting Republicans loose on the American economy is like leaving a pyromaniac in charge of a matchbox manufacturer ajoining the oily rag factory, next to the lumber yard, next to the fireworks warehouse opposite the oil refinery! That aside, filthy rich pricks should not be in charge of your future, its just fucking stupid!
Why religion smells funny: If God is real, and string theory is real, does this mean that when I die I meet alternate versions of myself in the after life? Will we get along? Is there a dimensional heaven where we are separated? Can I form a football team made soley of me? Can we form a kick ass band? Will I rock up to a me convention and get upset when I see alternate other versions of me acting like fuckheads and engaging in a circle jerk? If I get rejected from one heaven, do I get to cross universal borders and have a crack at entering another heaven where standards aren't so high? If this is the case, will I have to spend eternity with Cathlolic priests, nuns, Nazis, members of the Politburo and the stars of dozens of awful reality shows? If so would this be considered hell by other heavens in other universes? Drilling further down into the dogmatic bedrock, do I have to be a silly hat wearing mysoginist who incites killing to be accepted into heaven? Is there a VIP area for people who died wearing a bomb vest? Do fundamentalists finally get to use the brain they ignored with such extreme predjudice on earth? Do we just turn up and find a sign saying 'NO VACANCY'?
Funny smells different? Well that's just preposterous! Maybe I shouldn't have included this as a point.
Anyway, questions and funny smells aside that's it for me. If you have answers to my questions that aren't boring and dogma laden please feel free to let me know. Have a lovely day, vote smart.Remember to use your brain at the polling booths, you guys can't afford another rich oblivious asshole with keys to the bomb!
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Politics... I'd rather not get into because it all just pisses me off.
Religion? Maybe one of the other versions of you has the "large enticing breasts, sweet ass and female genitalia" that you complained about not having last time.
I really wish i understood politics more,but as soon as most of them open their mouths i just switch off,it just so much..garbage. I do make an effort to lister to parliment and question time on the wireless as it help me sleep during the day.