Hello fuckers, in today's turgid episode:
Ikea, Rare 21st century injuries, Why people are fuckers, Questionare.
I've just entered my new digs on the banks of the Yarra River In Hawthorn, Melbourne. People at work tell me this is a posh area. Rich posh people can eat a dick for all I care. Anywho:
IKEA,I have a love hate relationship with IKEA, I love the low cost funky homewares. Hate having to negotiate the labyrinth with oddly named items, Voorde mats, flourkent vases, Piktuur dresser tables. Then theres the baffling self serve. It takes a hour to buy a fucking bath mat! I'm sure they find lost and traumatised shoppers at closing time as they do the final rounds. There's an old lady passed out amongst the Tronard watering cans. A crying emaciated child in the Baarfurte linen section. A dishevelled man with a three day growth in Aisle 7 location 48, "i just came in to look at sofas, I got lost, water, please do you have water? I'm so thirsty." All victims of the labyrinth. There's probably a special paramedic code for IKEA victims.
RARE 21ST CENTURY INJURIES #328, hot coffee in your eye thanks to that tiny little hole in the plastic disposable cup lid.
WHY PEOPLE ARE FUCKERS AND INDEED SUCK, Channel 9 is advertising the 'new' Big Brother, the tag line on the posters is 'Be Surprised!' I'm sure I speak for all but the most feeble minded TV zombies when I say..."Yes, yes we are surprised, surprised that you hopped on that old decaying nag's bones and have begun flogging its deceased hide in the vain hope of achieving forward momentum." What the fuck happened to entertainment? It's my firm belief that Australian TV execs have dug themselves in a deep hole & hit rock bottom, only instead of asking for a rope have opted for mining equipment. Even so, there are fuckers out there air punching and crying out FUCK YEAH BIG BROTHER'S BACK ON! To those fuckers I say watch out for the real big brother.
QUESTIONARE: I will now be subjecting prospective friends to a questionaire comprising over 175 questions. These will include an Ishihara, Rorscharch, spacial reasoning, basic IQ, and personality tests. Not because my standards are so high but because it pleases me.
That's about it folks, to the few friends I have left after the great unfriendening, I appreciate your social interaction and friendship. I'd like to buy you a beer. If I could I'd cook you a plate of scones and make you tea.
Ikea, Rare 21st century injuries, Why people are fuckers, Questionare.
I've just entered my new digs on the banks of the Yarra River In Hawthorn, Melbourne. People at work tell me this is a posh area. Rich posh people can eat a dick for all I care. Anywho:
IKEA,I have a love hate relationship with IKEA, I love the low cost funky homewares. Hate having to negotiate the labyrinth with oddly named items, Voorde mats, flourkent vases, Piktuur dresser tables. Then theres the baffling self serve. It takes a hour to buy a fucking bath mat! I'm sure they find lost and traumatised shoppers at closing time as they do the final rounds. There's an old lady passed out amongst the Tronard watering cans. A crying emaciated child in the Baarfurte linen section. A dishevelled man with a three day growth in Aisle 7 location 48, "i just came in to look at sofas, I got lost, water, please do you have water? I'm so thirsty." All victims of the labyrinth. There's probably a special paramedic code for IKEA victims.
RARE 21ST CENTURY INJURIES #328, hot coffee in your eye thanks to that tiny little hole in the plastic disposable cup lid.
WHY PEOPLE ARE FUCKERS AND INDEED SUCK, Channel 9 is advertising the 'new' Big Brother, the tag line on the posters is 'Be Surprised!' I'm sure I speak for all but the most feeble minded TV zombies when I say..."Yes, yes we are surprised, surprised that you hopped on that old decaying nag's bones and have begun flogging its deceased hide in the vain hope of achieving forward momentum." What the fuck happened to entertainment? It's my firm belief that Australian TV execs have dug themselves in a deep hole & hit rock bottom, only instead of asking for a rope have opted for mining equipment. Even so, there are fuckers out there air punching and crying out FUCK YEAH BIG BROTHER'S BACK ON! To those fuckers I say watch out for the real big brother.
QUESTIONARE: I will now be subjecting prospective friends to a questionaire comprising over 175 questions. These will include an Ishihara, Rorscharch, spacial reasoning, basic IQ, and personality tests. Not because my standards are so high but because it pleases me.
That's about it folks, to the few friends I have left after the great unfriendening, I appreciate your social interaction and friendship. I'd like to buy you a beer. If I could I'd cook you a plate of scones and make you tea.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
bonbons:
bahahahaa.. the ikea rant is gold...
wolfwood1203:
Me too...