i'm trying to move on from this bullshit drama. getting my heart broken 3 times in a month and a half is so fucking much to bear...
i've gained so much weight. a combination of quitting smoking (4 months now) and all this depression i've been eating to keep busy. oral fixation. to those of you who've seen me on chat, you're probably thinking "what the fuck is he talking about" or "thank god, he's way too skinny." well, i care. i hate it, i'm all flabby and shit.
i haven't had the motivation to work out at all, so i have muscle atrophy which just makes me even less defined (and i didn't have much to begin with). i'm up to 136, which i know for a guy at 6'1 is tiny...but i have shitty self esteem and body dysmorphia. i was down to 125 for a while without much effort. other than being deathly ill, of course.
but it's not even really a weight issue, just an image one. i know it's amazingly superficial but it absolutely rules my life. i don't even really give a shit about other people's weight (but i'll make fun of fatties like everyone else, i'm a jerk), it's just mine.
so i really, really want to start working out more. i want to have a nice body. i want to be tiny and thin and agile and spry again.
then maybe people will want me.
: \
i've gained so much weight. a combination of quitting smoking (4 months now) and all this depression i've been eating to keep busy. oral fixation. to those of you who've seen me on chat, you're probably thinking "what the fuck is he talking about" or "thank god, he's way too skinny." well, i care. i hate it, i'm all flabby and shit.
i haven't had the motivation to work out at all, so i have muscle atrophy which just makes me even less defined (and i didn't have much to begin with). i'm up to 136, which i know for a guy at 6'1 is tiny...but i have shitty self esteem and body dysmorphia. i was down to 125 for a while without much effort. other than being deathly ill, of course.
but it's not even really a weight issue, just an image one. i know it's amazingly superficial but it absolutely rules my life. i don't even really give a shit about other people's weight (but i'll make fun of fatties like everyone else, i'm a jerk), it's just mine.
so i really, really want to start working out more. i want to have a nice body. i want to be tiny and thin and agile and spry again.
then maybe people will want me.
: \
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that color blue innthe game is sick.
i recently sold the game to gamestop, and traded the strategy guide in as well.
i coulda mailed that to you if you needed it, the game is pretty long,
i didnt even get thru it before i traded it in.
im completely down with off the radar games.
xenosaga is like, one of my all time fave series.
its hard to find time to play though.
do you play anything online on ps2 or pc?
I know that in a sense you won't hear this (and I say that not as a bitch but because I was in your shoes once), but I promise you people don't love you based on your body. It may make you feel more in control of your life, and perhaps build your esteem, but I promise people will always love you regardless.