left 4 dead 2 is pretty awesome. nothing like spending 4 hours this morning shooting zombies in the face.
you know what else is awesome? the new electric president album. i pimped the hell out of their last one, "sleep well," before. it's called "the violent blue" and it comes out sometime soon, but it leaked already.
DO YOU DARE DOUBT THEM?! then here's one...
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you know what else is awesome? the new electric president album. i pimped the hell out of their last one, "sleep well," before. it's called "the violent blue" and it comes out sometime soon, but it leaked already.
DO YOU DARE DOUBT THEM?! then here's one...
Read More
gradually...getting there. i guess. this has been such a fuck awful week. still nauseous. and disappointed. or proud? i'm putting on some weight. kinda on purpose. everyone used to always rag on me cause i was kinda chubby, so now that i have body dysmorphia they just rag on me because i'm "too thin" and i think they're fucking crazy.
but right at the peak...
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but right at the peak...
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laceyk:
Be proud. You have chosen not to take the easy way. "Do not go softly into that good night.". You have chosen to chose your path.
Christmas has so many expectations which are so unfair. Christmas's are different every year and we celebrate it differently every year as well.
I think as you begin to feel better you will leave the house more. You will be feeling more like who you are.
It is also good to gain a bit of weight back - give your body the nutrients it needs to win this battle.
Christmas has so many expectations which are so unfair. Christmas's are different every year and we celebrate it differently every year as well.
I think as you begin to feel better you will leave the house more. You will be feeling more like who you are.
It is also good to gain a bit of weight back - give your body the nutrients it needs to win this battle.
As of now, I have officially been clean of any substance for about a day and a half. it's the longest i've gone in almost a year, i'd bargain.
i have no idea what to feel. i'll tell you what i DO feel, however, which is shit awful, but better than i was a few days ago. now i just feel lifeless...vertigo, i'm breathless all...
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i have no idea what to feel. i'll tell you what i DO feel, however, which is shit awful, but better than i was a few days ago. now i just feel lifeless...vertigo, i'm breathless all...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
downedcity:
I'm proud of you, keep it up
mercie:
I love you my bestest friend, call me if you need anything to make your life easier. You know I'll help you as much as is in my power! ♥
i forgot how much this song fits well. my ex definitely didn't want me to continue my abuse, so i suffered through...but with our falling out later anyway, and my new addiction, it's almost perfect.
clinics, doctors, horrible pains/aches/cold sweats. for about 4 months i've been recovering from an opiate addiction. and while it's mostly my fault (for going along with it at first then...
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clinics, doctors, horrible pains/aches/cold sweats. for about 4 months i've been recovering from an opiate addiction. and while it's mostly my fault (for going along with it at first then...
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VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
mercie:
I can imagine how miserable it is. But we both know this is it, you don't wanna be on that shit for the rest of your life like some people are. It'll just make you ugly, and no one wants that. 
xoxo
xoxo
boogieman0330:
Brother keep going and have faith in whatever gives you hope. Merry Christimas.
yeah, i didn't really listen to the whole paper route song. i knew it started off well, but i forgot it tried to be a ballad or something. their other songs are pretty good. well, they cheer me up, anyway.
anything and everything people have been throwing shit at me i'm reacting curiouser and curiouser.
in a week i will be ending my daily clinic...
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anything and everything people have been throwing shit at me i'm reacting curiouser and curiouser.
in a week i will be ending my daily clinic...
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downedcity:
are you withdrawing from something?
and I can send you this song on AIM sometime.
and I can send you this song on AIM sometime.
mercie:
I'm linking you to this song because I feel like you'll really enjoy listening to it. But then I also read the lyrics... and it's way more super now.
oh man. i forget how stupid the internet is. fuck.
okay, so, as mercie suggested in my last blog that my blackouts occur (to me, in my perspective) kinda like the "Time Skips" episode of futurama. i realize that that's an amazing epiphany, so i scoot off to google search, looking for a quick part of that episode. (even if it was only bubble gum...
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okay, so, as mercie suggested in my last blog that my blackouts occur (to me, in my perspective) kinda like the "Time Skips" episode of futurama. i realize that that's an amazing epiphany, so i scoot off to google search, looking for a quick part of that episode. (even if it was only bubble gum...
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mercie:
Ha! I love that almost everything can be likened to Futurama. That Fry & Leela thing would be cute, you're right, I mean I love the Fry & Leela dynamic but that was just weird of someone to put that together.
I have to admit, I'm not crazy about the Paper Route song. I like the pretty music a lot, but that guy's vocals remind me of like... adult contemporary garbage. Bryan Adams-ish or something.
I have to admit, I'm not crazy about the Paper Route song. I like the pretty music a lot, but that guy's vocals remind me of like... adult contemporary garbage. Bryan Adams-ish or something.
last night i had a dream that i was in bed watching tv, and all of a sudden i fell asleep for about 2 hours or so.
fine and dandy, i napped early (right before bed). no harm, just take my usual sleeping pills and go back to sleep. except...it seemed like it never came. i remember lying on my side, listening to the tv,...
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fine and dandy, i napped early (right before bed). no harm, just take my usual sleeping pills and go back to sleep. except...it seemed like it never came. i remember lying on my side, listening to the tv,...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
mercie:
and now I have a song for you.
caralee:
thank you! i was thinking of getting it tattooed but i think it would look best around the neck - and i already have one on the back and i dont want to distract from it, though it is definitely in my style of imagery
those blackouts sound so spooky - i would be losing my shit if it happened to me - or maybe it does and im completely oblivious?
at least it hasnt affected your taste in music ;]
those blackouts sound so spooky - i would be losing my shit if it happened to me - or maybe it does and im completely oblivious?
at least it hasnt affected your taste in music ;]
motherFUCKER i need to stop this shit. as far as i remember, i did the same exact thing last night as i did before, which BEFORE a blackout would confuse me. i think mercie and i hung out both days in a row, but i can't remember.
i've woken up at 4am three nights in a row, wondering how the hell i got there, am...
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i've woken up at 4am three nights in a row, wondering how the hell i got there, am...
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even though i had a blackout yesterday (well, a seizure, whatever you call an epileptic episode), i totally had a flash of me and DownedCity speaking. it's weird. let me try to explain...whenever i black out, i can see really quick flashes that seem dreamlike. only the main difference is...well, they're not dreams, they actually happen; they're interspersed with actual (waking) dreams, so my world...
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downedcity:
lol wait, you had a flash of ME, then you said SHE called me right before i went back to sleep? well are they getting less often at least?
it's weird to know that when you dream, you might actually be living those things; the real dream is waking up.
i can't do this anymore.
i can't do this anymore.
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downedcity:
I'm not surprised at all, because I know you'll be alright and we will play some guitar hero/rock band. I've been ok, on a nice break from work.
mercie:
I found the scientific way to prove Hell froze over.
basement cat says so.
♥ see you TOMORROW bitchface!
basement cat says so.
♥ see you TOMORROW bitchface!
thanks for being positive...i'm having a difficult time. i wake up every day, not knowing where i was the night before, not knowing what i said, who i talked to, if i spent money....
and, i mean....that...fucking bitch from arizona actually caught me in the middle of a black out. i confessed how much i loved and hated her, and i wish she would've given...
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and, i mean....that...fucking bitch from arizona actually caught me in the middle of a black out. i confessed how much i loved and hated her, and i wish she would've given...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
missknox:
i hope your ok hun 
mercie:
♥
♥
thanks for the support...i just wish i could really convey any sort of coherent thoughts on all of this.
every day i wake up, i remember less about the past. the last clear memory i have is of the alkaline trio show in may. then nothingness...then passing out at work and being sent home sometime in july. then the 24 eeg at the end of...
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every day i wake up, i remember less about the past. the last clear memory i have is of the alkaline trio show in may. then nothingness...then passing out at work and being sent home sometime in july. then the 24 eeg at the end of...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
mercie:
don't be insane. just wait for your medication to take hold. you're going to do this and you're going to come out of it gorgeous and wonderous like the mister i met 5 years ago. ♥
downedcity:
mercie is totally right.
I love video games so much. I think I have wasted 10% of my life playing them.