delusion

disappointed again.
the sun came to strip the night sky, peel away her black.
aureate, it nudges apart her sleeping knees and spreads her open.
good morning. i haven't slept yet.

i am sweat soaked. ink stained. sleep starved. panting.
i haven't slept. i thought tonight (last night as it has become) would be the time that i finally figured her out.
my lover, lexeme.
i inhale her, taste her on my tongue.
even after all those years of dissecting her, she is still mostly mystery.

all the wrong words shove the things i mean to say aside and barge through my lips without my consent.
Inappropriate, Confusing, Revealing, Uncouth, Distasteful.
they have different names, but they're all the same.
all wrong.

i uncurl my white knuckled fist, let her go. i let her win. again, as usual. she is my favorite torture.

she loves him more than me this morning, anyway. she has good taste.

he lifts her and arranges her like so:

tragic mo(u)rning.

would that I could
reply in kind
in depth, in time.
you are the most beautiful thing Ive never seen.

he loves her the way that i do.
i like him for reasons such as these.