deliriumgrey

When i was still going to school, i always cared about my grades. For the most part, it was because my parents, i.e. my dad, was so strict about it. He always demanded A's or B's. Nothing ever below. Whenever either i or my older sister received a bad mark, we would be punished. Never physically, but moreover sent to our rooms to "study". Studying mostly consisted of either sleeping or reading. Oh well, that's how i became to be a bookworm. Anyways, whenever reports came out and i was on the honor roll, i was so enthused. Not only was i praised, it made my dad happy. Till this day, though my father is happy regardless of what i do as long as i am happy, i still demand good marks on in my academics. Strangely enough, though i strive for good grades, i was lazy. When i got my car in my Junior year, i was barely there and when i was, i was always caught sleeping. It was great though, people knew not to disturb me when i slept so i was left alone most of the time.
Anyways, what i was trying to get at before that monologue was, how is it that people of high academic levels are bulled for doing well in school ? I'd rather be a smart-ass than a dumb-ass. Or people that enjoy or engage in activities or subjects that not all people like, those kids that like World of Warcraft, anime and role-playing games etc. Don't get me wrong, i been to a couple of conventions and sometimes people that attend those events are too much for me, they get overly hyper, its exhausting trying to keep up with them, i still prefer to be around like that than people who hide their real "selves".
I hate bullies to the greatest extent and i will always stand up for the people i cared for, and hopefully my friends know that even though I'm never around. But one thing i hate the most is the people that pity themselves. I use to be like that, i was suicidal, always depressed and hurting myself. I hated always being angry, so i changed. I'm a lot more happier even though I'm still blending in with the surroundings at least i know what i strive for and i know what type of person i want to be. If i see someone getting bullied i will always say something or do something to help them but if only if they ask. I know its hard reaching out, i still struggle and hate myself whenever i cry on a buddies shoulder, but if you're not going to help yourself how else will someone else know to help you? More than anything i would love to beat the sense out of someone that looks down on themselves. I guess i should really practice what i preach, since I'm always criticizing the way i look but surprisingly, the more tattoos i get and the crazier i cut or color my hair or dress, i feel so beautiful about myself. I feel like the more tattoos i get, the more beautiful art i cover my body with, the more beautiful i will become and it makes me feel so good about myself. I love all the women and men on this site; all of them gorgeous beyond words. I really do wish words healed the minds of people but its also words that hurt them too. Words in the form of music healed me and i hope every single person out there that's feeling down in the dumps finds that one thing that heals them. Finding that one thing makes the world seem less disgusting. I wish to one day be confident in myself and one day be able to help someone that's just like me and hope they find beauty in themselves. Cause not one person in this world is ugly, its how people treat others that makes a person ugly.
Jeez, i rant too much about physical appearances and yet i haven't changed the way i feel about myself. I figured if i can see my thoughts, i can process it better. For all the people out there that "suffered' from low self-esteem and have extreme anxiety about it, how do you deal with it. I like to watch random funny anime or read about Tucker Max.


I better end this before this rant turns into a trilogy....
FOR ALL THOSE BULLIES OUT THERE, YOU CAN KISS MY ASS AND I HOPE YOU BREAK SOME TEETH AFTER I KICKED YOUR FACE IN !