dedlyniteshade

as much as i always dread and hate change, im ready for newness! i need excitement and such to keep my brain from fighting with itself and these manic episodes lol. today i awoke to nick talkin bout the future and knowing i have an extreme phobia of aging and wasting life and such, he just had to bring up the fact we only have 3 years left here before he gets out and he wants to go guard and put in to perm. move to colorado!!! tis beautiful and ive always wanted to visit but i DO NOT want to leave within 9 hours of here (driving distance from family... my parents are old and due to my brother being gone , theyre getting custody of my 5 year old neice and if something happens to one of my parents **KNOCK ON WOOD!! it doesnt) but i get custody of her so id like to stay close next 6 years or so... With that said nick said "ya know just because were married it doesnt mean you have to pcs with me, We can visit each other and such, i like distance and long distance relationships are what im very used to and good at but this is marriage and i dont see it working at all! not even about the lack of sex or temptation but i know we'd get completely disconnected! also my heart will stray further away even more so than it already has so imma go and do all these errands and shit i have to do today so i dont have to think about this bullshit stuff anymore, id like to live in the present for now! ive wasted almost 25 years of my life living in the past or future , but i want to live in the NOWWW at moment!