Dear readers,
This has been a bit awkward, but not in a bit way. Quite recently, my dear friend, the crazed Leigh Anna who suffered from a pretty serious variety of problems took the time to "off" herself.
I found out late on Monday.
As for myself, although I am saddened, I know that this is sincerely what she desired, because she had spoken to me about it on multiple occasions, in a variety of forms and ways. She looked at it, primarily as a form of relief, although from what in particular, I am uncertain of.
I spent time caring for Min, who at one point was sincerely considering how to carry on a future with her, or at least whether that might be an option.
Quite recently, however, she began spiralling out of control in ways that separated her from us and the school itself. We attempted to guide her, talk to counselors, inform friends, monitor, show disapproval, show approval, etc. Help. I think, honestly, that we believed that it was something that was within our control, or perhaps even her control.
I've done the enduring of drink and pain. I've gone through sadness. I am done with anger, so far. I really just loved her, but I had begun to distance myself from her before-hand, because she seemed not to want feedback, nor to want to curb a hedonistic proclivity of hers, which remains quite unnamed.
I think everything is becoming better, tangibly, lately. The school is sort of moving on, together.
I'm on the perimiter of the social group that most closely associated with her, so I was incuded, which was alright, but at the same point, there is a degree of drama which is involved, which I disagree with entirely. Collectively, this has become quite an issue. I want not to be a part of the group who knew her closely, with the exception of a few individuals.
CHANGE OF PACE:
Working hard, and didn't play basketball today, so that I could accomplish some work.
Honestly, I need to ask Lyandra to spend time with me, but how I will do it, or what that would entail, so far, is beyond me. I think I just want to see her outside of school and do something nice. She is now completely willing to give me hugs, which I have been always willing to accept.
I wish I could just jump into that.
Another person, quite correct in her own right, who should be my friend but I think may desire more than friendship, wants to make me dinner, as if it were an obligation. She is cool and nice, but I feel like I have direct desire for another person, so anything beyond the scope of that, seems foolish. I am attempting quite sincerely to set up boundaries which will buffer, but I am uncertain as to whether this will work at all.
I've gotten plenty of compliments on my hair today, but really, all I want to do is finish my work and think about how to woo a woman who deserves ME as her man. That's where the confidence lies. In the truth.
Ian
This has been a bit awkward, but not in a bit way. Quite recently, my dear friend, the crazed Leigh Anna who suffered from a pretty serious variety of problems took the time to "off" herself.
I found out late on Monday.
As for myself, although I am saddened, I know that this is sincerely what she desired, because she had spoken to me about it on multiple occasions, in a variety of forms and ways. She looked at it, primarily as a form of relief, although from what in particular, I am uncertain of.
I spent time caring for Min, who at one point was sincerely considering how to carry on a future with her, or at least whether that might be an option.
Quite recently, however, she began spiralling out of control in ways that separated her from us and the school itself. We attempted to guide her, talk to counselors, inform friends, monitor, show disapproval, show approval, etc. Help. I think, honestly, that we believed that it was something that was within our control, or perhaps even her control.
I've done the enduring of drink and pain. I've gone through sadness. I am done with anger, so far. I really just loved her, but I had begun to distance myself from her before-hand, because she seemed not to want feedback, nor to want to curb a hedonistic proclivity of hers, which remains quite unnamed.
I think everything is becoming better, tangibly, lately. The school is sort of moving on, together.
I'm on the perimiter of the social group that most closely associated with her, so I was incuded, which was alright, but at the same point, there is a degree of drama which is involved, which I disagree with entirely. Collectively, this has become quite an issue. I want not to be a part of the group who knew her closely, with the exception of a few individuals.
CHANGE OF PACE:
Working hard, and didn't play basketball today, so that I could accomplish some work.
Honestly, I need to ask Lyandra to spend time with me, but how I will do it, or what that would entail, so far, is beyond me. I think I just want to see her outside of school and do something nice. She is now completely willing to give me hugs, which I have been always willing to accept.
I wish I could just jump into that.
Another person, quite correct in her own right, who should be my friend but I think may desire more than friendship, wants to make me dinner, as if it were an obligation. She is cool and nice, but I feel like I have direct desire for another person, so anything beyond the scope of that, seems foolish. I am attempting quite sincerely to set up boundaries which will buffer, but I am uncertain as to whether this will work at all.
I've gotten plenty of compliments on my hair today, but really, all I want to do is finish my work and think about how to woo a woman who deserves ME as her man. That's where the confidence lies. In the truth.
Ian