decota

Labels of Doom!

Under L. Marie
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I have a friend. We have sex. I like him. And, now, Houston we have a problem. I have this instinct to put a label on it. Are we "seeing eachother"? Are we "dating"? Are we "fuck buddies"? Are we "buddies who fuck"? But probably the most important question I should ask myself, "Why the fuck do I care?"

As women and as humans, we are not satisfied until we put every single thing in our lives, especially relationships, into a nice and neat little categorical box. That way we know what our roles are and what our expectaions are out of the nice and neat little situation with a clear label. But that label is a curse!

It seems that everytime I try to classify my realtionship, or lack-thereof, with a label, I am placing a label of doom. With that label comes only my expectations and pressure of the tasks I want him to perform and I am ultimately setting him up for failure. In reality,there are no set rules with these lables. There is only what makes us feel good and what makes us feel bad and the need to maximize what makes us feel good and minimize what makes us feel bad.

I also have this need to create a natural progression:
friend>seeing eachother>dating>together>boyfriend>fiance>husband>ex-husband and so forth.

I have a time schedule in my head of when each stage of the relationship is supposed to progress to the next label. All that happens when I do this is put pressure on the guy and myself to be something that we are not and expect things that don't need to be expected or changed. If things are working and we are happ,y then why fix whats not broken. If it is broken, calling it something else doesn't do shit to help it.


Prime Example of a Label of Doom:
I dated a guy a year and a half ago who refused to call me his girlfriend. I was pissed because we were together all the time, he wasn't fucking other women and he treated me well for the most part. The only thing was he didn't want to call me his girlfriend. I would ask him, "Then what do I tell people?"

He said," Who gives a shit? It's none of their business anyway!"

I wouldn't let it go, "But I don't want other women to think you aren't seeing someone and think you're available and then try to fuck you!"

He made a good point, "If I want to fuck someone else, I will fuck someone else. It doens't matter if I call you my girlfriend, my friend or my wife. You just have to trust me when I say 'I'm not going to fuck someone else.'"

See! labels don't matter, they just make me a psychotic insecure bitch. Because I think that If I call him my boyfriend, that he will abide by "the rules" and expectations. But No matter what I call him, or what he calls me, he is going to do what he wants to do. And gladly so will I.

So why start a fight and add pressure and set myself up, when I could just enjoy the fact that the guy who I'm currently allowing in my personal space, wants me around, enjoys my company and so far treats me good.

So I think my non-label label, beacuse I wouldn't be able to sleep at night If I didn't have a box to put us in, is: People. We're just...people. Hopefully that can keep expectaions and roles wide open. The only way he could dissapoint me now, is if I wake-up to him one morning and he's suddenly a banana.