debbiewoes

much has happened since i have posted last. i am still extremely depressed and even more manic. i feel like the pills aren't helping anymore. they are just making me lethargic and well, completely out of it. i want to LIVE my life. i have been to the ER more times in the past month than prob since i when i was first conceived. my parents aren't supporting me at all and i am going to call my dad today and just let him have it. i have screaming out for help and no one is listening...maybe b/c they are tired of it and believe me, so am i, but i'm not about to give up...i just want to be myself again...if i even know who that is. i hate my job and i desperately need some new friends that don't drink every night. i HAVE to take my meds in order to feel ok, which means i CAN'T drink...and last night i did and came home in 33 degree weather only to find the door to my grandfather's house was locked...i then proceeded to call my mom @ 1am and told her i was coming to her house...this is seriously fucked up...i had to sleep in a room with absolutely NO HEAT and now i am sick...and it is now 7am and i just got up to ask her if i could borrow a pair of socks and the only thing she can say to me is...you need to start coming home earlier...wtf? i am in the living room coughing and shivering and that's all you can say to me...i'm seriously thinking about just leaving texas somehow...i don't know how , but i need to get the fuck away from everything for a while and regroup...my brain is just overloaded with shit. nothing good has happened to me since the divorce...NOTHING...and i am fed up with everyone telling me to be happy or that i'm not bi polar, b/c i KNOW that i am...i dunno...i just wish that my family would be behind me. i'm at the end of my very long rope. it's time to make a drastic change and just get the fuck out of TX cause it's driven me insane...literally.