much has happened since i have posted last. i am still extremely depressed and even more manic. i feel like the pills aren't helping anymore. they are just making me lethargic and well, completely out of it. i want to LIVE my life. i have been to the ER more times in the past month than prob since i when i was first conceived. my parents aren't supporting me at all and i am going to call my dad today and just let him have it. i have screaming out for help and no one is listening...maybe b/c they are tired of it and believe me, so am i, but i'm not about to give up...i just want to be myself again...if i even know who that is. i hate my job and i desperately need some new friends that don't drink every night. i HAVE to take my meds in order to feel ok, which means i CAN'T drink...and last night i did and came home in 33 degree weather only to find the door to my grandfather's house was locked...i then proceeded to call my mom @ 1am and told her i was coming to her house...this is seriously fucked up...i had to sleep in a room with absolutely NO HEAT and now i am sick...and it is now 7am and i just got up to ask her if i could borrow a pair of socks and the only thing she can say to me is...you need to start coming home earlier...wtf? i am in the living room coughing and shivering and that's all you can say to me...i'm seriously thinking about just leaving texas somehow...i don't know how , but i need to get the fuck away from everything for a while and regroup...my brain is just overloaded with shit. nothing good has happened to me since the divorce...NOTHING...and i am fed up with everyone telling me to be happy or that i'm not bi polar, b/c i KNOW that i am...i dunno...i just wish that my family would be behind me. i'm at the end of my very long rope. it's time to make a drastic change and just get the fuck out of TX cause it's driven me insane...literally.
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debbiewoes:
very good advice...i really just need to clear my head...and i just started this intensive therapy program, but the thing is is that it's all group therapy and not one on one so i don't think it's gonna help too much.
serrated:
yo, don't drink on any type of meds... I had a girl come to my house at 2am and then had a seizure right in front of me because she drank on wellbutrin... scared the shit outta me....be careful...I used to drink like a shark for my social anxiety but ended up in rehab because of it.... clean and sober now and would not change it for anything...hang in there, most of these feelings pass, though a good psychiatrist in a one-on-one session may be able to steer you in the right direction.