Oh hello
So yeah, this is first time in about 10 years that I have had nobody in my life. It's quite weird, I'm not sure that I know how to function alone.
It's bizarre really, I have always built my life around other people, most of the decisions I have taken about my life have been decisions about my life with someone else. I have the job I do, live in the cottage I do and even drive the car I do because of my past relationship.
Some would maybe argue that this is not the way to live life. To be honest I do wonder sometimes, but it's who I am. I prefer to share my life. Don't get me wrong, I don't like to be in someones pocket 24/7, I appreciate as much as anyone being alone and doing my own thing.
But I also love having someone there, to care for, to appreciate and to want.
I'm not perfect, I have made a lot of mistakes that I regret intensely, but I made them. There's nothing I can do about it. I suppose I have learnt an awful lot about myself recently, who I am and what I want and how important making the most of what you have is.
I have this pathalogical need to feel wanted. I don't know why I just do. In a way it's maybe because I'm continually giving compliments to people "nice coat, watch, hat face, kid life, car" and I don't tend to get much back. I don't mean that I say things just to get something back....
Maybe people don't know how to give a compliment anymore.
For the most part I have been coping pretty well, all things considered. The same day she walked out was the same day I found out my mum suffered kidney failure. Of all the times to leave it was when I needed her the most.
Sometimes I get excited about the future. I just wish I hadn't turned down the chance to live and work in New York for a year to be with her.
Still, there is little point in looking back. We can only look forwards. One day there won't be a tomorrow, the sun won't rise and we won't have the opportunity to smile, to laugh, to be happy..... to be a father or a mother, to smell the air and feel the breeze. So bring on life.
I took more photos, I'm determined to get out and shoot some film tomorrow... Flickr
Hope is important.
Me
x
So yeah, this is first time in about 10 years that I have had nobody in my life. It's quite weird, I'm not sure that I know how to function alone.
It's bizarre really, I have always built my life around other people, most of the decisions I have taken about my life have been decisions about my life with someone else. I have the job I do, live in the cottage I do and even drive the car I do because of my past relationship.
Some would maybe argue that this is not the way to live life. To be honest I do wonder sometimes, but it's who I am. I prefer to share my life. Don't get me wrong, I don't like to be in someones pocket 24/7, I appreciate as much as anyone being alone and doing my own thing.
But I also love having someone there, to care for, to appreciate and to want.
I'm not perfect, I have made a lot of mistakes that I regret intensely, but I made them. There's nothing I can do about it. I suppose I have learnt an awful lot about myself recently, who I am and what I want and how important making the most of what you have is.
I have this pathalogical need to feel wanted. I don't know why I just do. In a way it's maybe because I'm continually giving compliments to people "nice coat, watch, hat face, kid life, car" and I don't tend to get much back. I don't mean that I say things just to get something back....
Maybe people don't know how to give a compliment anymore.
For the most part I have been coping pretty well, all things considered. The same day she walked out was the same day I found out my mum suffered kidney failure. Of all the times to leave it was when I needed her the most.
Sometimes I get excited about the future. I just wish I hadn't turned down the chance to live and work in New York for a year to be with her.
Still, there is little point in looking back. We can only look forwards. One day there won't be a tomorrow, the sun won't rise and we won't have the opportunity to smile, to laugh, to be happy..... to be a father or a mother, to smell the air and feel the breeze. So bring on life.
I took more photos, I'm determined to get out and shoot some film tomorrow... Flickr
Hope is important.
Me
x
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
perdy:
It's great, you should try it. Start with mine, you can be as judgemental as you like.
niobe:
*hugs*
