You MotherFuckers Rock
Thanks for all the kick ass music recommendations! I may have to play this game more often. Though I did screw myself with this idea due to the fact I now have even more music to organize, burn, and add to my mp3 player. I'm just thankful I had the foresight to buy a player capable of holding 80GB. You'd think 80GB would keep a gal happy and hold all the music one would need- it's becoming glaringly obvious that it is not sufficient. So, back to work on that today, should keep me busy.
I had an awfully weird night. Apparently I have some strange voodoo hex I put on the men in my life that makes them become delusional fools that believe they are in love with me. Sure, they may have love for me, but that's not nearly the same as being in love...huge discrepancy between the two that isn't noted frequently enough. Thus far one of the few male friends that doesn't think he should spend his life or at least the next year of it with me is my ex...perhaps he should lecture at a roundtable conference to all these deluded bastards as to why I'm not marriage, or relationship material. And he should know...he did suffer me 5 long years.
The conclusions I've drawn from the recent maelstrom of interest in my domestication are these:
-My accomodating personality is snowing these guys into thinking I'm better than I really am
-People are fucking lonely bastards. Each and every one of us at some point searches for solace in a member of the opposite sex, which is unhealthy at best
-Ongoing and unsucessful efforts to "date me" would probably fizzle out the minute I agreed to such, or as soon as I slept with them. In other words you want what you can't have until you get it, at which point it becomes disinteresting.
What has prompted this bizarre post you might ask? A love letter from a very good friend that should know better. It's not that I don't appreciate the sentiment, or that I don't feel love for this person, but those 3 little words are starting to become very cliche to me, thus diminishing the respect I once had for love. You cannot tell a person you love them/are in love with them after knowing them one week and mean it. Why can't I have male friends that understand this? It's as if I'm more masculine than all of them. I don't want to open myself up to heartbreak, feel dependent on another for happiness, or make a life with anyone at this time in my life. I simply want to enjoy life and figure out who the hell I am. Why is it that now I'm actually seeing someone these fools have come out of the woodwork? Where were these bastards when I needed this bullshit? Frankly, it upsets me because all my supposed "friendships" are becoming muddled with these delusions of love, which I suspect are a bunch of bullshit emotions caused by lonliness. To that I say I am not capable of filling that void, nor do I want to attempt to.
Monogamy scares the shit out of me. I was with a man that told me he loved me daily, but didn't. He was simply too guilt-ridden to end it, and so wasted 5 years of our lives pussy-footing around the issues until I was capable of ending it. And this whole time I suspected as much, but was terrified of being alone. Ironic considering how much I now value my alone time. I have decided never to make that mistake again.
Perhaps it's bitter, cynical, even pessimistic to feel the way I do...but it does keep me from have a broken heart daily. I should feel priviliged to have many people who want more of me in their life. I don't. I feel as if they're seeing the me they've created to comfort themselves, instead of seeing me for the bitter and detached bitch that I am. It's nice to be loved, when the love is true...elsewise it's just a very cheap feeling.
So, I have so much more to expound upon on the nature of relationships, but I wont subject anyone to that for any longer. My words of (very little) wisdom: don't tell someone you love them until you're ready to break their heart.
***just an update here...these delusional bastards are real life bastards unfortunately...thanks to everyone here for not falling in love with me...ya'll fucking rock***
Thanks for all the kick ass music recommendations! I may have to play this game more often. Though I did screw myself with this idea due to the fact I now have even more music to organize, burn, and add to my mp3 player. I'm just thankful I had the foresight to buy a player capable of holding 80GB. You'd think 80GB would keep a gal happy and hold all the music one would need- it's becoming glaringly obvious that it is not sufficient. So, back to work on that today, should keep me busy.
I had an awfully weird night. Apparently I have some strange voodoo hex I put on the men in my life that makes them become delusional fools that believe they are in love with me. Sure, they may have love for me, but that's not nearly the same as being in love...huge discrepancy between the two that isn't noted frequently enough. Thus far one of the few male friends that doesn't think he should spend his life or at least the next year of it with me is my ex...perhaps he should lecture at a roundtable conference to all these deluded bastards as to why I'm not marriage, or relationship material. And he should know...he did suffer me 5 long years.
The conclusions I've drawn from the recent maelstrom of interest in my domestication are these:
-My accomodating personality is snowing these guys into thinking I'm better than I really am
-People are fucking lonely bastards. Each and every one of us at some point searches for solace in a member of the opposite sex, which is unhealthy at best
-Ongoing and unsucessful efforts to "date me" would probably fizzle out the minute I agreed to such, or as soon as I slept with them. In other words you want what you can't have until you get it, at which point it becomes disinteresting.
What has prompted this bizarre post you might ask? A love letter from a very good friend that should know better. It's not that I don't appreciate the sentiment, or that I don't feel love for this person, but those 3 little words are starting to become very cliche to me, thus diminishing the respect I once had for love. You cannot tell a person you love them/are in love with them after knowing them one week and mean it. Why can't I have male friends that understand this? It's as if I'm more masculine than all of them. I don't want to open myself up to heartbreak, feel dependent on another for happiness, or make a life with anyone at this time in my life. I simply want to enjoy life and figure out who the hell I am. Why is it that now I'm actually seeing someone these fools have come out of the woodwork? Where were these bastards when I needed this bullshit? Frankly, it upsets me because all my supposed "friendships" are becoming muddled with these delusions of love, which I suspect are a bunch of bullshit emotions caused by lonliness. To that I say I am not capable of filling that void, nor do I want to attempt to.
Monogamy scares the shit out of me. I was with a man that told me he loved me daily, but didn't. He was simply too guilt-ridden to end it, and so wasted 5 years of our lives pussy-footing around the issues until I was capable of ending it. And this whole time I suspected as much, but was terrified of being alone. Ironic considering how much I now value my alone time. I have decided never to make that mistake again.
Perhaps it's bitter, cynical, even pessimistic to feel the way I do...but it does keep me from have a broken heart daily. I should feel priviliged to have many people who want more of me in their life. I don't. I feel as if they're seeing the me they've created to comfort themselves, instead of seeing me for the bitter and detached bitch that I am. It's nice to be loved, when the love is true...elsewise it's just a very cheap feeling.
So, I have so much more to expound upon on the nature of relationships, but I wont subject anyone to that for any longer. My words of (very little) wisdom: don't tell someone you love them until you're ready to break their heart.
***just an update here...these delusional bastards are real life bastards unfortunately...thanks to everyone here for not falling in love with me...ya'll fucking rock***
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
"-My accommodating personality is snowing these guys into thinking I'm better than I really am"
I don't know you all that well, really, but it's usually a safe bet that when someone says something like this they're probably selling themselves short. Everyone has imperfections. If we didn't notice them then we wouldn't improve ourselves, so it's extremely important to notice them so we can resolve them. However, all too often we seem to focus on them a lil too much and it ends up being unhealthy.
"-People are fucking lonely bastards. Each and every one of us at some point searches for solace in a member of the opposite sex, which is unhealthy at best"
God damn tootin!
"-Ongoing and unsuccessful efforts to "date me" would probably fizzle out the minute I agreed to such, or as soon as I slept with them. In other words you want what you can't have until you get it, at which point it becomes disinteresting."
I'm actually the exact opposite. If I see someone is interested in me I become a lot more interested in them. If I see that someone isn't interested in me at all I loose all interest in them as well. It extends deep into the rest of everything in my life. Of all of the sports cars, the one I'd rather have the most is a Lotus Esprit. I didn't have much interest in them until I saw how little they cost. Once I saw that obtaining one was feasible I got a lot more interested in it. Even though the Ferraris are better cars, I'll never have one so I don't care about them.
"You cannot tell a person you love them/are in love with them after knowing them one week and mean it. Why can't I have male friends that understand this?"
I wanna consider myself your friend and I haven't decided I love you and, even though you seem to be a really kick ass chick, I don't see myself proclaiming undying love for you anytime soon.
"Frankly, it upsets me because all my supposed "friendships" are becoming muddled with these delusions of love, which I suspect are a bunch of bullshit emotions caused by loneliness."
I would bet money that your suspicions are correct.
"I don't want to open myself up to heartbreak, feel dependent on another for happiness, or make a life with anyone at this time in my life. I simply want to enjoy life and figure out who the hell I am."
There you definitely do speak wisdom. Although me, I'm much less interested in finding out who I am than just doing whatever I want to do. Whether if I know who I am or not wont change much. I'll still be the same guy.
"Perhaps it's bitter, cynical, even pessimistic to feel the way I do...but it does keep me from have a broken heart daily."
I just see that as being logical and smart.
"I feel as if they're seeing the me they've created to comfort themselves"
Man, I've felt that sooooo much with the people I talk to online. Someone will proclaim their perpetual love to me and I think "Wow, you got all that from the 16kybtes of text that you've received from me in the 4 weeks that we've been chatting online? The love of your life is worth only 16KB?" Obviously, I never said that to anyone but I thought it many times. Of course their "undying love" fades out over a few weeks and thy find some other dude that they fall head over heels in love with. But I mean how do you tell someone "no, you're delusional. When you met me you filled in all the blanks of what you didn't know about me with what you wanted and turned me into some superhuman that I'm not"? Without absolutely destroying them, I mean. I tried once. It wasn't pretty. Now I make sure to not get into situations where that might happen. Well, I make it an objective to. Dunno if I actually do, but it's good to have objectives.