deathhippie

Ahh the journal.. The late night sanctuary that I have come to know and talk too..

Its just past 4am. It looks like it is going to be another night with no sleep. My nocturnal soul is starting to triumph over the evils of society again. For the last 6 years I have battered and bashed at the sleepless nights I experience. At one point I thought I had won. Now that I have free time to my self again, I see that it was all a sham. I can never get away from the night. After all, it is the only time that is quite enough to hear your own thoughts.

My friends always ask why I don't just change my sleep schedule. I have honestly tried. This has been my boon, and my salvation since as far back as I can remember. The odd thing is, I am not productive at night. I am bored, and search out something to intrigue me. Its hard to find. You would think that someone who has slept an average of 4 hours a night for the last 20 years would have produced something spectacular with the extra time. I mean, on average, I have lived 3 years longer then most people who are my age, just because of my inability to sleep.

From this point forward I am going to do more with my night time retreat. I think its time to shed my winter blanket (gut) and get back into shape again. Once, I was able to military press 300+ lbs. Yep, over my head. Pretty silly eh? I mean, why would you want to be able to do that anyways? Back to my point though. I am going to spend at least 10 hours a week working out from now on. Hell, maybe I will even start jogging again.. (although, cops don't like guys running around at 2am.. they never used to believe I was out for a run)
I think I will also spend at least an hour a night writing. Doesn't matter what. Writing for work, for pain, for pleasure.. What ever. I just need to get my ass back into gear.

Ever have one of those pinnacle times in your life where you go, what the fuck? How the fuck did this happen? Well, I never have, I always know why I am where I am, now to refocus the ability to see where I have been and where I am going to do something positive for my self, and for my friends.

So, in conclusion to this, and as a summary. I am sick of being a lazy, bored ass tard at 4am. I am going to bust my nuts, drop 20lbs, and go back to writing spontaneous poetry.

Spontaneous poetry.. How I miss it.. Was funny shit when my friend and I would just sit around and make a poem together. (Yeah, its a bitch to write every other line of a poem) It would always start one direction and end up all screwed up. It was great.

Speaking of poetry, one of my greatest and most awesome friends in the world sent me a poem I wrote for her on her birthday years ago. I read it, and it makes me reflect back to who I once was. Do you ever wonder where the old you went and how the new you got here?

I used to always strive to do better. I mean about everything. I never told my self I did well, not as a put down, and that I didn't but because I was driven to do everything better the next time around, regardless of how good or bad it went this time. I became complacent in my long term relationship, stopped listening to myself, and started listening to other people when they said it was good enough etc.. Why would you ever stop trying to do things better? Shouldn't everyone always do what they can to be the best they can? I mean in everything. Why would you want to stop evolving? Maybe this is to deep for a public journal, but I don't care. I am tired of shitty people, and hope that if you are this far into my journal, that you are not also a shitty person.

I am pretty sure this is going to be my last post for a few days. Its long enough to fill up a couple days worth of crap.

Oh shit, I forgot to say what I have been doing.

I have been doing squat. I got my huge ass desk set up. Yay, no more typing with a key board in my lap. I also sat around work today on my day off like a slug and played EQ2. It was not actually so bad. I thought it would suck more then it does.

Lets see... I also watched the s-CRY-ed and blue 6 anime series.. Started playing anarchy online again.. Called up some of my old ass friends. Drove around north park to get my bearings better. Pussed out of going to sabbat.. Shit, I haven't danced in a long ass time. Wonder if I would fall on my ass? That would be funny. I think I would just lay down and laugh. Remember folks, embarrassing moments are only embarrassing because you feel like you would laugh at someone if they did what you just did. So don't be embarrassed. Just realize you made a shit load of people laugh, look at the situation, grin, and chuckle too.

But all in all, I still feel like I did not do much this weekend. I need to meet new people. I think its time to become a little social butterfly again. Hmm, do you think if a butterfly drank vodka they would fly crazy and hit a wall?

man.. I really do need a new drinking buddy. Moving put a downer on all my drinking fun. Its not to much fun to drink solo.. I mean, who would laugh at me? Who would I laugh at? What if I got really horny and drunk? Thats just to much crazy ass energy to be tossing around when you are by your self. Someone might get hurt! oo nurse... (got to make someone smile at least once while reading my journal.)

So yeah, male, female, funny or not, to have fun or to fuck (well not to fuck I guess) if your in san diego, north park to be more specific, look me up. I don't sleep after all either. Stop by and partake of some fine refreshments with me.