daysofgrace13ben

WELL THERE IS THIS GIRL NAMED JESS THAT I USED TO DATE. I HONESTLY HAVE NEVER LOVED ANY WOMAN MORE THAN HER. I WAS SO IN LOVE WITH HER THAT I COULD NOT DESCRIBE IT IN WORDS. ANY WAY SHE DESTROYED ME. MADE ME HURT SO BAD AND FEEL SO WORTHLESS I TRULY WANTED TO DIE. IT IS A VERY LONG STORY BUT ONE THAT IS HAPPY AND ONE THAT IS SO SAD. I STILL LOVE THIS WOMAN BUT I HATE HER AS WELL. I HAVE NOT TALKED TO OR SEEN HER SINCE SEPTEMBER 15 2005. WELL TODAY I TALKED TO HER FRIEND AND FOUND OUT SHE IS DYING OF CANCER. IT IS FUNNY HOW EVEN THOUGH SHE IN MANY WAYS RUINED MY LIFE I SO QUICKLY FORGAVE HER AND BROKE DOWN CRYING LIKE A LITTLE BABY. I ALWAYS WISHED SHE WOULD FEEL MY PAIN BUT NOTHING EVER LIKE THIS. I FEEL SO SICK THAT I ALLOWED MYSELF TO HATE HER LIKE I DID. I FEEL SO ASHAMED. I DO NOT BELIEVE IN GOD YET I WILL PRAY FOR HER BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT SHE WOULD WANT. I KNOW IT MAKES NO SENSE BUT EVEN THOUGH I DO NOT BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL PRAY OUT OF RESPECT FOR HER. THERE IS NO ANSWER TO THIS SUFFERING AND LONG MISERY. THERE IS NO END TO THIS SORROW. THIS IS A STORY OF LOVE, HATE AND ULTIMATELY LOVE IN THE END. A STORY OF LOVE AND DEATH. FORGIVE ME JESS. PLEASE. I BEG YOU.