I apologize in advance, but I think this may be my new place to vent. The couple other outlets I had are not so effective anymore. So hopefully my rants won't bug people too much, but it needs to be done and form the moment, this is the only place it can be.
My ex...I'm still head over heels in love with her, but damn she is stupid. But she's young and has to learn from her mistakes. Her "best" friend is a piece of shit slut who does what she wants regardless of how it affects anyone else, yet since my ex has nothing better to, she still continues to hang out with. Even though every time they do hang out, my ex (we'll call her M) get pissed off by the end of the night. She is in a similar situation right now, where she is basically hanging out with a bunch of high schoolers (one of which her gross friend wants to bang) and M is completely miserable. She is texting me telling me how mad she is and how she wants to "be saved". And as soon as I hear that, I want to drop everything and be there for her and I could be...but if I keep being there for her, she will never learn and keep making the same mistakes. She has made plenty in the past and I saw pretty much every single one of them coming. I try to help her as much as I can, but I can't make her listen. I remember how I was at 22 so I know she is going to do her thing, but I hate having to watch her go through it. I feel like i'm letting her down and that's tearing me apart. And if anyone knew the history between M and I, you would think I'm crazy for even giving a shit (and maybe I am), but I can't help it.
I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it's just frustrating from my point of view. She hangs out with the wrong people and makes dumb decisions...and I just have to sit here and watch. Or I guess I could just walk away from the whole thing, but that will never happen. I mean if I thought it she was putting herself in danger I'd be there obviously, but this is more just same shit, different day stuff. She complains and complains about it and says how she's done with it, but since none of her other friends are around, she just goes back to the trash. So she is bringing it on herself and I question why I even feel bad for her somedays...but I hate having her go through it at the same time.
So now I sit here, feeling bad ...when I could be hanging out with her right now, but I'm doing what I think is best for her, regardless of how it makes me feel. Another day in paradise. I've never been such a mess and I really hope this subsides soon, but I really don't see that happening unfortunately. Ok, I'm done...half hour until I can have some Melatonin and say goodbye to another day...night all!
My ex...I'm still head over heels in love with her, but damn she is stupid. But she's young and has to learn from her mistakes. Her "best" friend is a piece of shit slut who does what she wants regardless of how it affects anyone else, yet since my ex has nothing better to, she still continues to hang out with. Even though every time they do hang out, my ex (we'll call her M) get pissed off by the end of the night. She is in a similar situation right now, where she is basically hanging out with a bunch of high schoolers (one of which her gross friend wants to bang) and M is completely miserable. She is texting me telling me how mad she is and how she wants to "be saved". And as soon as I hear that, I want to drop everything and be there for her and I could be...but if I keep being there for her, she will never learn and keep making the same mistakes. She has made plenty in the past and I saw pretty much every single one of them coming. I try to help her as much as I can, but I can't make her listen. I remember how I was at 22 so I know she is going to do her thing, but I hate having to watch her go through it. I feel like i'm letting her down and that's tearing me apart. And if anyone knew the history between M and I, you would think I'm crazy for even giving a shit (and maybe I am), but I can't help it.
I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it's just frustrating from my point of view. She hangs out with the wrong people and makes dumb decisions...and I just have to sit here and watch. Or I guess I could just walk away from the whole thing, but that will never happen. I mean if I thought it she was putting herself in danger I'd be there obviously, but this is more just same shit, different day stuff. She complains and complains about it and says how she's done with it, but since none of her other friends are around, she just goes back to the trash. So she is bringing it on herself and I question why I even feel bad for her somedays...but I hate having her go through it at the same time.
So now I sit here, feeling bad ...when I could be hanging out with her right now, but I'm doing what I think is best for her, regardless of how it makes me feel. Another day in paradise. I've never been such a mess and I really hope this subsides soon, but I really don't see that happening unfortunately. Ok, I'm done...half hour until I can have some Melatonin and say goodbye to another day...night all!