So, recently, I have been watching the Showtime series Masters of Horror as they come out on DVD, and I thought, just for the hell of it, I will review them...for the good of the people.
So tonight's review from the bowels of the Masters DVD collection is:
Lucky McKee's Sick Girl
The film centers around a girl named Ida Teeter (Angela Bettis May) , who is a scientist obsessed with bugs...to the point where her prospective girlfriends (yes, she swings that way, and it comes back to play...now hold your horses.) end up leaving her due to the creepy factor, and her co-worker, a horn-dog who is telling her it's either Babes or Bugs, and she begins to think he's right. Soon she meets up with a girl, named Misty (schlock scream queen Misty Mundae) who always sits and draws pixies at Ida's place of work. They soon realize that they have similar feelings, for each other...
Now, this would seem like a simple movie with little to no horror intentions, right? wrong. Only days before finally hooking up with the increasingly attractive Misty, a strange package arrives at Ida's doorstep. Inside, another bug for her collection, only this one is an ugly fucker, and pissy to boot. After she leaves to go to work and then head out on a date with Misty, the bug gets loose, and nestles in her pillow. Later after dinner, the couple return to the apartment, watch a movie, drink some booze, get naked, you know, typical pay cable television stuff. After the two go nun-nights, the bug comes out to play, planting a strange "thing" inside Misty's ear, and thus the plot twists. As the film goes on over its hour running time (roughly) she becomes increasingly strange, becoming hostile towards everyone, including the old landlady, who doesn't look to kindly on the girl on girl action, which she accidently got a peek at. Misty even becomes incredibly hostile towards Ida, and it seems like we will never know why...but we find out.
Turns out the man who sent the bug, sends the directions for care a little too late. It apparently likes to get jiggy with creatures of other species, making them pregnant with it's young, because their "stinger" if you will, secrets a strange liquid which mutates the body, making it a willing donor for the kiddies. Fucked up stuff, if you ask me.
Well things get a lot more hostile when the old landlady turns up dead, and Misty is twice as pissy, and more willing to get nekkid. Turns out that the bug has completed her transition from sweet lesbo, to pissy bug mommy, complete with KNB Effects wizards making her about as ugly as her baby's daddy. Thats the story of the Sick Girl, told by Lucky McKee.
Holy Crap did I hate this one at the start. Slow, boring, annoying as hell preformances by Angela Bettis (who I am told was magnificent in May, which I have yet to see) and Misty Mundae made this film unbearable for the first 45 mins. of the running time. The plot was predictiable, the bug was going to find the girl, it was going to bite her, and there would be "dire" consequences from this friendly nibble. I didn't care about any of the characters except for two...The Ladybug, a little girl who lives with the old landlady and refuses to take off her Halloween Bug costume...how convenient for the plot, and the horny lab assistant, who got old after the fifth "masterbation to lesbian action in the shower" joke...
The lines of dialouge were terrible, making some of the worst horror movie writing seem like fucking Shakespeare, and it just hurt the ears sometimes to listen to Angela Bettis' damned nerdy voice when she was talking to her pet spiders and bugs and such...God, i wanted to rip her voice box out.
The direction was okay for what it was, as there was little to work with until the end of the film. The bug is hardly seen (hence no real screencap of the odd work on KNB's part), and the plot is mostly focused on the relationship of Misty and Ida, so it was well directed, for that kind of movie, not a horror movie.
The horror aspect, while present the whole film (the thing is called Masters of Horror, if you don't know what kind of movie you are going to see after the main credits, then God help you, cause i know i can't.) doesn't really come into play until the "grrr i am an angry repressed lesbian bug lady" misty comes out and bitches with the Landlady, and goes into monster mode for the first time, resulting in a fall down the stairs for the old "bag" as Misty called her. Then the shit hits the fan, when Misty reveals to Ida that she knows who sent the bug, Misty's estranged bug doctor father (who was breifly mentioned earlier at some point.) and it was meant for Ida, to make Misty repulsed at her new appearance and to make poor Misty give up her girl loving ways (this movie was a "gay rights for women" propaganda film thinly vailed as entertaiment) but instead made her the respulsive one, and thus comes out the full KNB Mosnter effect, which as actually effective, and scared the shit ouf of me the first time she went ape shit. Then...oh, boys and girls...twist ending!
So tonight's review from the bowels of the Masters DVD collection is:
Lucky McKee's Sick Girl
The film centers around a girl named Ida Teeter (Angela Bettis May) , who is a scientist obsessed with bugs...to the point where her prospective girlfriends (yes, she swings that way, and it comes back to play...now hold your horses.) end up leaving her due to the creepy factor, and her co-worker, a horn-dog who is telling her it's either Babes or Bugs, and she begins to think he's right. Soon she meets up with a girl, named Misty (schlock scream queen Misty Mundae) who always sits and draws pixies at Ida's place of work. They soon realize that they have similar feelings, for each other...
Now, this would seem like a simple movie with little to no horror intentions, right? wrong. Only days before finally hooking up with the increasingly attractive Misty, a strange package arrives at Ida's doorstep. Inside, another bug for her collection, only this one is an ugly fucker, and pissy to boot. After she leaves to go to work and then head out on a date with Misty, the bug gets loose, and nestles in her pillow. Later after dinner, the couple return to the apartment, watch a movie, drink some booze, get naked, you know, typical pay cable television stuff. After the two go nun-nights, the bug comes out to play, planting a strange "thing" inside Misty's ear, and thus the plot twists. As the film goes on over its hour running time (roughly) she becomes increasingly strange, becoming hostile towards everyone, including the old landlady, who doesn't look to kindly on the girl on girl action, which she accidently got a peek at. Misty even becomes incredibly hostile towards Ida, and it seems like we will never know why...but we find out.
Turns out the man who sent the bug, sends the directions for care a little too late. It apparently likes to get jiggy with creatures of other species, making them pregnant with it's young, because their "stinger" if you will, secrets a strange liquid which mutates the body, making it a willing donor for the kiddies. Fucked up stuff, if you ask me.
Well things get a lot more hostile when the old landlady turns up dead, and Misty is twice as pissy, and more willing to get nekkid. Turns out that the bug has completed her transition from sweet lesbo, to pissy bug mommy, complete with KNB Effects wizards making her about as ugly as her baby's daddy. Thats the story of the Sick Girl, told by Lucky McKee.
Holy Crap did I hate this one at the start. Slow, boring, annoying as hell preformances by Angela Bettis (who I am told was magnificent in May, which I have yet to see) and Misty Mundae made this film unbearable for the first 45 mins. of the running time. The plot was predictiable, the bug was going to find the girl, it was going to bite her, and there would be "dire" consequences from this friendly nibble. I didn't care about any of the characters except for two...The Ladybug, a little girl who lives with the old landlady and refuses to take off her Halloween Bug costume...how convenient for the plot, and the horny lab assistant, who got old after the fifth "masterbation to lesbian action in the shower" joke...
The lines of dialouge were terrible, making some of the worst horror movie writing seem like fucking Shakespeare, and it just hurt the ears sometimes to listen to Angela Bettis' damned nerdy voice when she was talking to her pet spiders and bugs and such...God, i wanted to rip her voice box out.
The direction was okay for what it was, as there was little to work with until the end of the film. The bug is hardly seen (hence no real screencap of the odd work on KNB's part), and the plot is mostly focused on the relationship of Misty and Ida, so it was well directed, for that kind of movie, not a horror movie.
The horror aspect, while present the whole film (the thing is called Masters of Horror, if you don't know what kind of movie you are going to see after the main credits, then God help you, cause i know i can't.) doesn't really come into play until the "grrr i am an angry repressed lesbian bug lady" misty comes out and bitches with the Landlady, and goes into monster mode for the first time, resulting in a fall down the stairs for the old "bag" as Misty called her. Then the shit hits the fan, when Misty reveals to Ida that she knows who sent the bug, Misty's estranged bug doctor father (who was breifly mentioned earlier at some point.) and it was meant for Ida, to make Misty repulsed at her new appearance and to make poor Misty give up her girl loving ways (this movie was a "gay rights for women" propaganda film thinly vailed as entertaiment) but instead made her the respulsive one, and thus comes out the full KNB Mosnter effect, which as actually effective, and scared the shit ouf of me the first time she went ape shit. Then...oh, boys and girls...twist ending!
God, this movie, while almost redeeming itself with the entertaining fights with the landlady, and cool monster effects, still falls way flat and compared to the other episode i have seen (John Carpenter's Cigarette Burns) it was flat out terrible. Just not a scary movie, nor interesting. I hope that if in the next season, Lucky returns, he makes a better movie, cause this screams out to be good, and had the potential, sadly, it just got flushed somewhere along the way.
and i leave you with an image from the funniest scenes ever: Misty and the Bug in Misty's Fairy Dreamworld
Sick Girl - 4.2 out of 10
DH3
sid:
i was in harvard square about 5pmish... was it perhaps there?