and we're still writing quite a bit, each day. and a bit flirty at that, sometimes, too. I could go crazy with despair it, but I held up so far, most of the time.
Please cross fingers for me if you feel like it. I would love to rest my soul with her, at least for as long as time allows. Maybe there is hope. My mum asked if it'd work out, considering last gf was a lot smarter than me, having done quantum crypto and whatever, and if she'd not be 'too stupid' for me... srsly. Why assume that anyway? Long ago I was with someone that was really too superficial to bear. But that is so much a different thing. Also, heck, the only thing stupid could be if she'd be as much a hopeless romantic as I am.
And I told my mum: What I really want is someone with a good soul. You can find someone exceptionally beautiful, or someone who's super smart. But someone who's good, who'll let you in as far as you let them? Who can give into a relationship, but is also strong enough in themselves to accept what you give?
That seems the hard part. I can't even assume that I am "good". I'm just someone who believes in it.
I can see it in her, and I do want to hook up with what I see in someone. We all have weaknesses and fail at "adulting" all day. One needs to see what others would like to be, not their failures.
(exception, probably, being that you should not spend 9 years doing that with a person suffering heavy depressions. But even there I find it sad and unfortunate that it didn't work out. I just don't want to let reality destroy the roots for idealism. Reality already has enough power over us as is, it should not get to mess with hope.)
So, what I was going to say anyway?
Good news: She hasn't shouted at me yet for liking her, she might just as well like me.
I'll let you know - if the world comes crashing down yet again, or if the kettle ever meets its pot.
And: yesterday I put my money where my mouth is. and dedicated the 9000+ word article I spent 6 months writing (about risk management & stopping computers failing) to her. it's very long, but for those who manage to get to the end it now ends like this:
I'm not gonna tell her, because this is just to acknowledge, not to bribe. But really, I wrote a very long piece that matters a lot to me, and could help others. And it happened thanks to her.
it's true...
She's 'just' been very charming when I first saw her dancing behind me and smiling, and she's 'just' been an incredibly nice host when I visited her and she's 'just' very friendly minded - and that is just the whole point to life, as far as I'm concerned. (Most likely that's why fell in love. If not, then it's just for the smile, legs, butt, shiny eyes, sweet makeup, tummy, voice and hair. Oh my I'd so much love to get super tangled up there. Lalala. So seems now when I edited this I had a much better mood than most of the last weeks ;-))