Goodbye sleep, forever.

15

So I had this blanket, it was my baby blanket and it has been the only thing I've kept with me since birth, the only thing that keeps me asleep through the night. It was my safe place, my treasure and a big part of me and my soul. I've gone about a year without it and the constant search for it will end Monday.

I just got off the phone with the two hotels I would have traveled with it to and both of them hung up on me. The airport lost and found is my last hope and they don't open until monday.

I've accepted the fact that I have lost a part of me and that I will probably never get a full night sleep just like the past year has been and just hope that whoever does have it really appreciates the severity of it's importance.

I lay here feeling defeated because the way I've lived my life was to keep my 6 year old me proud of who I am becoming and my future self happy with what will come. This is probably the most irresponsible thing I've done to myself and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that. I know alot of you probably think "oh it's just a baby blanket" you are wrong. It's a Baby Morgan security, thermal waffle blanket... and it was the biggest part of my 6 year old soul I've been living to keep alive in me. Ever since I lost it I have felt myself get colder and it scares me to death. Melatonin was the only sleeping aid I could take that didn't give me night terrors and sleep paralysis but since I made the mistake of taking it everyday it no longer works like it used to and if I take a too high of a does I won't sleep at all.

I miss sleeping. It's become a burden on me and my body is feeling the consequences of it more than ever. Has anyone ever done a sleep study? Hypnosis? Anything EXCEPT sleep aids or weed.

Thank you for reading

Dame Suicide 🖤

XOXO

VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
venenumliscens:
I don’t know if I’ve ever had anything like that or if I’ve ever slept all that well. But I think about it regularly as I tuck my son in at night.  He turns 6 in a couple weeks and he’s had this same small quilt since he was born.  Someone made it for him,  and it’s a small, doesn’t cover from his neck to his feet if he lays straight, but it’s his first layer just about every night.  Same goes for his bear he made when he gave up all his pacifiers...  not being if the 6 year old mindset anymore, it’s hard for me to understand the comfort level this things bring. But I smile at his innocence and dependence on them.  Good luck and I hope you find it.
solidario:
I sleepie blanket!  I need a sleepie blanket so I can sleep!  I know its the only things i know that makes me go to sleep.  National Geographic had a Sleep Research article this year. https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2018/08/science-of-sleep/.    Sounds painful.  I'm really sorry you're going through this.  I lost an entire room of my baby stuff and now I'm going crazy and people notice.  It's not easy.

More Blogs