The gym is my best friend, but we are falling out fast and hard.
No-one is more surprised by me than my new found love of the gym. I joined over a year ago, and planned to go once a week, that quickly turned into twice a week. Then i stopped going. Which is the usual pattern for gym patronage. But i started going again. A lot. Now i go 4/5 times a week, and on my days off i walk, or run, or do something. I love exercise. I get cross when i don't do something, like really frustrated, but when i go, it's like such a release. BUT in the last few weeks my gymming has taken a severe nosedive. My best friend thinks i'm "emotionally fatigued", which sounds awful poncey. Either way, when i get to the gym, i hit a wall, very fast, after about 20 minutes. Not a physical wall like they say marathon runners hit, but more like a mental wall, like i just don't want to do this. And i try to get past it, and i've been getting better, gradually, but i still have to admit defeat. This is pathetic.
What is more pathetic is my new attitude to the gym. It has shocked me. Recently i've been thinking, well, if i don't have the ability to do as much gym as i usually do, it stands to reason for me to eat less, as i need less food reserves for energy. I mean, that'd make sense if i was an over eater, but i'm not. I have cut WAY down on the amount of food i eat, under the guise of being practical. It's stopped seeming practical. Now when i get to the gym, the 45 minute walk there takes all my energy, and i struggle even more. I have tried eating more, but i feel sick to the point of vomiting.
I think my body is freaking out. When i get upset, i get quite bad diarrhea. I'm not ashamed by this, it happens to everyone, but when i'm upset, it's quite sudden. And my bowel does not like being dumped, so it has been pretty bad this last week.
These are all little issues, but they've come together all at a really bad time, and i'm feeling like absolute rubbish. I am struggling, and it's very hard to admit that. I know that once i get this sorted and get back to my regular exercise, i'll feel happier. But while i'm miserable about other things in my life, it seems very hard to manage that, and it seems like a catch 22, and i need help.
No-one is more surprised by me than my new found love of the gym. I joined over a year ago, and planned to go once a week, that quickly turned into twice a week. Then i stopped going. Which is the usual pattern for gym patronage. But i started going again. A lot. Now i go 4/5 times a week, and on my days off i walk, or run, or do something. I love exercise. I get cross when i don't do something, like really frustrated, but when i go, it's like such a release. BUT in the last few weeks my gymming has taken a severe nosedive. My best friend thinks i'm "emotionally fatigued", which sounds awful poncey. Either way, when i get to the gym, i hit a wall, very fast, after about 20 minutes. Not a physical wall like they say marathon runners hit, but more like a mental wall, like i just don't want to do this. And i try to get past it, and i've been getting better, gradually, but i still have to admit defeat. This is pathetic.
What is more pathetic is my new attitude to the gym. It has shocked me. Recently i've been thinking, well, if i don't have the ability to do as much gym as i usually do, it stands to reason for me to eat less, as i need less food reserves for energy. I mean, that'd make sense if i was an over eater, but i'm not. I have cut WAY down on the amount of food i eat, under the guise of being practical. It's stopped seeming practical. Now when i get to the gym, the 45 minute walk there takes all my energy, and i struggle even more. I have tried eating more, but i feel sick to the point of vomiting.
I think my body is freaking out. When i get upset, i get quite bad diarrhea. I'm not ashamed by this, it happens to everyone, but when i'm upset, it's quite sudden. And my bowel does not like being dumped, so it has been pretty bad this last week.
These are all little issues, but they've come together all at a really bad time, and i'm feeling like absolute rubbish. I am struggling, and it's very hard to admit that. I know that once i get this sorted and get back to my regular exercise, i'll feel happier. But while i'm miserable about other things in my life, it seems very hard to manage that, and it seems like a catch 22, and i need help.
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What I can tell you is that over time, I've come to realize that most of the things we get all worked up about aren't nearly as dire as they seem at the time. Even if I never make another mistake in my life, it's not going to get me out of here alive. In recent years I've lost my dad, my only sibling and my best friend. But even though it's been a rough period, what I've taken away from it is that I need to strive to be more positive and have more fun with however much time I have left on this planet. It's a terrible waste to not enjoy life, and there's no reason we can't enjoy it regardless of what's happening at a given point in time, even if involves tragedy.
Just do your best, try to make smart choices but avoid being overly fearful, and try to learn when you make mistakes rather than allowing them to blind you.