daisy

I've never been cheated on by a boyfriend. Not in my adult life at any rate. I can hear you all scream now that i've gotten off so lightly, and how lucky i am. And while i agree on most levels, there's a downside to it too.

Y'see, every boyfriend i've had hasn't left me cuz he met someone better, or got caught out cheating. They all simply just left me. The "all" in that statement sounds like there's been a lot, there hasn't. There's been 2. And 2 others that meant quite a lot, so i guess 4. And they all just left. If they'd cheated i'd have a legitimate reason to be cross, and feel hard done by. But they didn't. The only common denominator in all these 4 instances is me. I seem to simply be not enough. That is hard to stomach.

I don't intend to air my dirty laundry for all to see, but i'm confused. I'm really confused. And everything i know just got turned upside down, and i'm delicate.

I had a lovely plan for this weekend, and rather than sit at home and mope, i did my plans, on my own. It wasn't as lovely as anticipated.

I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and the reason isn't always clear. I know i need to change things. But i don't know where to start. Hence the confusion. I just don't know anything i thought i did.