daisy

I hate valentines day, i really really despise it. It brings out the worst in people.

Today just hasn't been my day. At all. And i feel so overwhelmed by stuff at the moment, like a lot of stuff is slipping by, beacuse my little tiny lady brain can't cope. I know i can cope. Don't ask what brought this on, because i don't know. I just feel so exasperated at the moment. One of the things that frustrates me is this place. This site, because every person who takes the time to comment here is so hugely appreciated, and i read every single comment, and i think of something witty to respond with, and once i begin to write my retort in all y'all journals, i freeze. I thought it would pass, but it's not. It's like i want to say thank you for bothering with me, thanks for having some advice or kind words, or something that made me smile, but i can't get the words out. Even though i've carefully thought out what to say.

Frustrated is my new favourite colour.

And i know i'm coming off as ungrateful. I'm not. I'm hugely thankful that you bother with me, and most of you lot know how i care about you, and there are a few who probably don't, and i can't tell you. Cuz i'm having issues. Stupid, stupid issues. I'm so happy to get to be part of this site, and meet all you great people, and talk to you, even if it is about stupid stuff. You all make me laugh, and smile, and feel happy and proud of my decision to be part of this site. And i'm such a huge thundering jackass.

My thundering jackassness extends far beyond this site. Far beyond the realms of internetness, and out into the real world. My poor, long suffering boyfriend got the brunt of it today, and i think that's why i'm having this moment. He went out of his way to come to where i work today, and brought me a huge bunch of pink flowers. And i didn't seem very grateful, but i am. He knows. I'm just rubbish at the expressing that. He means a lot to me, and it got me thinking.

And then, to make my self indulgent rant all the better, here comes the self pitying part:

After i got my flowers, in front of everyone, everyone, i heard someone ask "who got the flowers", and then i heard lots of whispereing, and then i heard the oh so familiar words, "but she's really ugly". I'm not looking for sympathy, or for anyone to tell me i'm not ugly, i know i'm not, but nobody likes to hear it. Ever.

Enough moanng for one night, leave some for tomorrow, eh?

If anyone read this long winded rant, i'm sorry, and thanks. You all mean the world to me. REALLY, And i hope you all know.

Happy Valentines Day you lovely lovely lot.