Everything continues to change: The people, the venues, the promoters, and the vibe. Somehow I manage to keep myself frozen in the same mindset, actions, behaviors, and thought-patterns. I find myself looking out and seeing the rest of the world moving, sometimes flying past me. Yet I don't find myself harboring even the slightest desire to join the movement.
Regardless of the fact that I have been blessed with above average intelligence and abilities and constantly living in the scenario of never having quite enough money accessible, even if I have plenty in the bank, the motivation just doesn't exist. I suppose part of it is that I detest most aspects of what has become expected of a person socially. The path that I've always found myself being guided towards follows this basic formula:
1) Do well in school
2) Graduate High School
3) Go to college
4) Graduate college (with a massive amount of debt)
5) Find a job
6) Buy a car, house, and material items
7) Get married and have kids OR have kids then get married
8) Try to balance the addiction to consumerism, oil, popularity, money expenditure, etc. - trying to "beat" your neighbors appearance by buying the most expensive cars, house, toys, clothing, and physical appearance that the creditors will possibly allow you to finance ---- Leaving you too deeply in debt to ever escape
9) Raise kids to meet the social standards and conform so that they do not stand out from the crowd
10) Spend huge sums of money making sure that your kids also present the facade that you have designed for yourself; new cars, designer clothing, the newest electronics, etc.
11) Take out second mortgage on the house to help pay for kids college education (although they too will be saddled with huge amounts of debt once they graduate as well)
12) Pay huge amounts of money to keep up the illusion of being healthy
13) Get divorced and lose most of your credit and savings, your home, your car, etc.
14) Reach retirement age and wonder - HOW THE FUCK CAN I RETIRE ON THIS LITTLE FUCKING MONEY THAT IS LEFT AFTER LIVING?!?!?!?!?!?
My idea of being alive happens to include being free to choose what time I sleep - both when I go to bed and when I wake up, choosing to either spend all day reading, playing online, writing, riding bicycles for two or ten hours, whether or not I want to shower and shave today or not, deciding to go through the day wearing just boxer-briefs or putting on a tailored Armani suit. Living means being able to spontaneously just grab a bag or car full of belongings and traveling some place new or different, being able to spend four hours on the phone with a friend or girlfriend even though the conversation began at two-thirty in the morning. I find it difficult to feel alive when the temptation hits me to go out and spend the day at Rittenhouse Square but instead I find myself married to a cubicle at work. Or perhaps there is going to be an once-in-a-lifetime meteor shower that can only be seen from the mountains in Idaho or out in the desert, but no, my first responsibility has to be work.
TO BE CONTINUED EITHER LATER TODAY OR THIS WEEKEND
Regardless of the fact that I have been blessed with above average intelligence and abilities and constantly living in the scenario of never having quite enough money accessible, even if I have plenty in the bank, the motivation just doesn't exist. I suppose part of it is that I detest most aspects of what has become expected of a person socially. The path that I've always found myself being guided towards follows this basic formula:
1) Do well in school
2) Graduate High School
3) Go to college
4) Graduate college (with a massive amount of debt)
5) Find a job
6) Buy a car, house, and material items
7) Get married and have kids OR have kids then get married
8) Try to balance the addiction to consumerism, oil, popularity, money expenditure, etc. - trying to "beat" your neighbors appearance by buying the most expensive cars, house, toys, clothing, and physical appearance that the creditors will possibly allow you to finance ---- Leaving you too deeply in debt to ever escape
9) Raise kids to meet the social standards and conform so that they do not stand out from the crowd
10) Spend huge sums of money making sure that your kids also present the facade that you have designed for yourself; new cars, designer clothing, the newest electronics, etc.
11) Take out second mortgage on the house to help pay for kids college education (although they too will be saddled with huge amounts of debt once they graduate as well)
12) Pay huge amounts of money to keep up the illusion of being healthy
13) Get divorced and lose most of your credit and savings, your home, your car, etc.
14) Reach retirement age and wonder - HOW THE FUCK CAN I RETIRE ON THIS LITTLE FUCKING MONEY THAT IS LEFT AFTER LIVING?!?!?!?!?!?
My idea of being alive happens to include being free to choose what time I sleep - both when I go to bed and when I wake up, choosing to either spend all day reading, playing online, writing, riding bicycles for two or ten hours, whether or not I want to shower and shave today or not, deciding to go through the day wearing just boxer-briefs or putting on a tailored Armani suit. Living means being able to spontaneously just grab a bag or car full of belongings and traveling some place new or different, being able to spend four hours on the phone with a friend or girlfriend even though the conversation began at two-thirty in the morning. I find it difficult to feel alive when the temptation hits me to go out and spend the day at Rittenhouse Square but instead I find myself married to a cubicle at work. Or perhaps there is going to be an once-in-a-lifetime meteor shower that can only be seen from the mountains in Idaho or out in the desert, but no, my first responsibility has to be work.
TO BE CONTINUED EITHER LATER TODAY OR THIS WEEKEND