So it's been an up and down last few days
I live a very lonely isolated life sometimes, and i avoid social situations because im afraid of rejection. well, at work, depending on my mood, im either not talking to anyone, or i get involved in the conversations.
Well, the other day, i took a chance and sat with some coworkers i dont usually sit with on break. well, after i sat down, they got up and moved to another table. I;m pretty sure it wasnt anything to do with me, because they went and sat with someone who had just sat down, and they probably wanted to talk to them, but these kinds of things are hard on me, and of course i felt rejected. i even went home "sick" because it just depressed me so much that all i wanted to do was go home and sleep.
But instead, i got a little motivated and i went home, and decided im gonna try the online dating thing again. so i checked out one of the sites i have a profile on, and i contacted this girl that lives in the next town over, not too far. we havent really talked much yet, but im optimistic about it, because she actually replied back to me. so, hopefully that will be good
And today.
Today's Father's Day.
This is gonna be a hard holiday for me now. For anyone reading this who doesnt know, last year, my ex had an abortion, and it was mine. I'm not 100% on my postion on abortion, but i still cried when she made the decision, and i cried that i was supporting her in her decision. Well, if she had had the baby, this would have been my first fathers day as a dad.
It's a tough thing to think about. It's gotten easier as time has gone on, but its in my thoughts daily, and today of all days is pretty hard.
I hope someday i can be a dad, and i can give them the best life that i possibly can, so i can try to fill this void in my heart. (i know another child cant replace one that never had a chance, but i hope it will help)
anyways, thats the end of my rant for today.
for anyone who reads this, and IS a father, Happy Father's day, sincerely!
I live a very lonely isolated life sometimes, and i avoid social situations because im afraid of rejection. well, at work, depending on my mood, im either not talking to anyone, or i get involved in the conversations.
Well, the other day, i took a chance and sat with some coworkers i dont usually sit with on break. well, after i sat down, they got up and moved to another table. I;m pretty sure it wasnt anything to do with me, because they went and sat with someone who had just sat down, and they probably wanted to talk to them, but these kinds of things are hard on me, and of course i felt rejected. i even went home "sick" because it just depressed me so much that all i wanted to do was go home and sleep.
But instead, i got a little motivated and i went home, and decided im gonna try the online dating thing again. so i checked out one of the sites i have a profile on, and i contacted this girl that lives in the next town over, not too far. we havent really talked much yet, but im optimistic about it, because she actually replied back to me. so, hopefully that will be good
And today.
Today's Father's Day.
This is gonna be a hard holiday for me now. For anyone reading this who doesnt know, last year, my ex had an abortion, and it was mine. I'm not 100% on my postion on abortion, but i still cried when she made the decision, and i cried that i was supporting her in her decision. Well, if she had had the baby, this would have been my first fathers day as a dad.
It's a tough thing to think about. It's gotten easier as time has gone on, but its in my thoughts daily, and today of all days is pretty hard.
I hope someday i can be a dad, and i can give them the best life that i possibly can, so i can try to fill this void in my heart. (i know another child cant replace one that never had a chance, but i hope it will help)
anyways, thats the end of my rant for today.
for anyone who reads this, and IS a father, Happy Father's day, sincerely!
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And thank you. Ive gotten a much better camera since the last time we've spoken too