This is going to be long, so bear with me, and thank you for those who are taking the time to read it...
My 2016 has been filled with ups and downs, as is to be expected with life. I was pushed to my limits this year. The downs? First, in March, my SO had a stroke. I saved his life, literally. Granted I am only a veterinary technician, but I am medically inclined because of that. I recognized his symptoms and got him to the ER. He had a blood clot in his brain, since I noticed the symptoms I was able to get him there within the window for this clot busting drug to be used. He pulled through with no residual effects. As I said, our relationship may be done, but I do care about him very much. One month later, my grandma died. She had been declining for a few years, with Alzheimer's and her health in general. Shortly before my SO's stroke she really took a down turn. She ended up in the hospital and was able to come home for hospice care. I was heading out the door to go to work one morning and as usual, looked at her to see if she was awake to wave to her. She was dying. I called my family and they came over. She died a few minutes later. It's extraordinarily difficult for me to talk about. In turn, the holidays have been very hard for me. I have not been happy for them, I have not enjoyed them.
The ups? I have a few good friends to count on. Some new, some old. I don't think they know just how much I appreciate them. I'm not always the most reliable when it comes to hanging out [anxiety], but I am *always* there to talk/text with them. I have finally come to terms with the fact that my best friend and I will never have what we did. He's a heroin addict and he chooses that life over our friendship. I have accepted it and feel so much better since then. Another plus, I'm buying my grandma's house. I've been living with her for 5 years since I lost my house, helped to take care of her. In return, I am able to buy the house and keep it in the family. The process is stressful and is taking forever, but I will finally have my own home in my name. Hooray for being a grown up! I have also lost quite a bit of weight, which makes me very happy. I feel better physically and emotionally. Still have work to do, but the majority of the weight I wanted to lose is off.
There have been a lot of other events that occured this year, family issues due to my gram's passing, etc. But I just gave the high and lowlights. I have tried like hell to stay positive, to hold it together, and many times I failed. I'm strong and I can put up with a lot of shit, but I'm also very sensitive and emotional. Sometimes I just want to be left alone, most times I just want to be held. Many times I have received neither.
I look forward to next year, as cliché as that sounds. I'm aware I can try to start anew at any time, but it's a tangible starting point if you will. Thanks again to those of you who read this through and to those of you who have given me words of encouragement or who have been there to let me vent. 💜💛
