AAARRGGHH! BASTARD WHORE-FUCKING BITCH-STABBING CUNTY ASS-FESTERING NO-GOOD POO-STABBING FUCKITY FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK SHITBRICK KNOB-JOCKEYING RECTUM-SPELUNKING CUNTY-MINTS FUCK-SOCKS SON-OF-A-ALBANIAN-MIDGET-WRESTLER VAGINAS!
I have just sliced my bloody nutsack open with a fresh razor-blade and, if that wasn't enough, used an analgesic stick to stop the bleeding so now my loins feel as if they have BEEN DIPPED INTO THE VERY FIRES OF HADES.
WHY CAN'T YOU...
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I have just sliced my bloody nutsack open with a fresh razor-blade and, if that wasn't enough, used an analgesic stick to stop the bleeding so now my loins feel as if they have BEEN DIPPED INTO THE VERY FIRES OF HADES.
WHY CAN'T YOU...
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VIEW 25 of 25 COMMENTS
I sometimes wonder if I sound like something of a broken record, coming to you every other journal entry with yet more tales of the strange collection of absolute fucking nutcases that seem to frequent the library in which I work. That said, however, some stories are just so fucking bizarre they simply demand to be related to you, my unfortunate audience.
So my library...
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So my library...
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VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
maelwys:
Tch, what is this country coming to, eh? Wonder if I can advertise for a shag that way 
Best if I don't; I might get an reply from jeff or neil!
Best if I don't; I might get an reply from jeff or neil!
forkandles:
Have a good Christmas matey. And if I can get into The Ship on New Year's eve I'll see you there.
The following started writing itself in my head today as I sat at the counter, issuing people their cookery books and I couldn't think of anything else to do with it other than stick it up here. Make of it what you will. Tell me if you figure outt he point of it, cause I sure as hell can't:
They had lasted 6 months. Not...
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They had lasted 6 months. Not...
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VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
forkandles:
That 'someone else' in the bunny ears pic wasn't me. Honest. 
Ok. That's it. I've finially reached the end of the rope. I am, in fact, headed straight to Hell on the express elevator.
So I'm coming back from seeing The Incredibles with munch (awesome film, how Disney think they can survive without Pixar I'll never know) and sitting on the bust. This guy sits next to me when there's a bunch of empty seats at...
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So I'm coming back from seeing The Incredibles with munch (awesome film, how Disney think they can survive without Pixar I'll never know) and sitting on the bust. This guy sits next to me when there's a bunch of empty seats at...
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VIEW 25 of 25 COMMENTS
adthrawn:
Helloo!
Are you out for the 17th Dec thing? Gonna get the train back at 5am (and then do some very early Chrimbo shopping back home). Any ideas what a boy can do in the wee hours on a Saturday morn? I hear mention of a club?
Are you out for the 17th Dec thing? Gonna get the train back at 5am (and then do some very early Chrimbo shopping back home). Any ideas what a boy can do in the wee hours on a Saturday morn? I hear mention of a club?
poptard:
the bust
you know you ever though of a book on how to put peaplo in there place creamy style?
you know you ever though of a book on how to put peaplo in there place creamy style?
So... not the best of weeks.
Oh, it's hardly been soul-crushingly bad or anything, just the gradual accumulation of various things that make me want to stab someone in the knee (so they can't run away when I kick them in the jaw). Just things like getting told off for telling child molestation jokes in the middle of the children's library, getting a cold on...
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Oh, it's hardly been soul-crushingly bad or anything, just the gradual accumulation of various things that make me want to stab someone in the knee (so they can't run away when I kick them in the jaw). Just things like getting told off for telling child molestation jokes in the middle of the children's library, getting a cold on...
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VIEW 25 of 32 COMMENTS
adthrawn:
Watch where you point that dragon - you could take an eye out.
And I'm slightly concerned that the Grand Consciousness has elevator music.
I'm tempted to buy a 5-pack of T-shirts that read: "Jesus Helps Me Trick People". Say's it all.
And I'm slightly concerned that the Grand Consciousness has elevator music.
I'm tempted to buy a 5-pack of T-shirts that read: "Jesus Helps Me Trick People". Say's it all.
Argh.
Ok, let's say I have two Internet buddies, for the sake of argument let's call them John and Katie (don't worry, neither are from here). I talk regualrly to both of them, and they talk to each other. Now they've just had their first phone conversation together and both of them talk to me individually about it.
Katie tells me he seems really nice,...
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Ok, let's say I have two Internet buddies, for the sake of argument let's call them John and Katie (don't worry, neither are from here). I talk regualrly to both of them, and they talk to each other. Now they've just had their first phone conversation together and both of them talk to me individually about it.
Katie tells me he seems really nice,...
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VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
marybee:
Tell her it's alright because he wasn't interested anyway and then she'll want him. 
crackheidi:
No such thing as a normal relationship As for the block, blame the weather.
As for the block, blame the weather.Continuing chronicles in the life of a permanently irritable librarian:
Sigh, well if nothing else at least my job never gets old. I had a remarkably surreal day yesterday, even by my usual standards. It started off innocently, if weirdly, enough with someone coming up to me whilst I was working the desk in the reference library who asked 'I want to know everything I...
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Sigh, well if nothing else at least my job never gets old. I had a remarkably surreal day yesterday, even by my usual standards. It started off innocently, if weirdly, enough with someone coming up to me whilst I was working the desk in the reference library who asked 'I want to know everything I...
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VIEW 22 of 22 COMMENTS
wrathchild:
It's my 'habit' I made, Laura cancel her membership to pay for my latest fix.
Ok, thats not the truth!!
Her free acount just expired 6mths earlier than she thought it would. She will be back soon!!
Ok, thats not the truth!!
Her free acount just expired 6mths earlier than she thought it would. She will be back soon!! 
drunkpunk:
Alright mucker?
Was groovy to see you again over the weekend. Alas, i was soooooo drunk, that its all a bit of a blur 
Was groovy to see you again over the weekend
. Alas, i was soooooo drunk, that its all a bit of a blur Creamy's mental checklist this morning:
Woken up in someone else's flat? Check.
Woken up next to someone else (even if it is forkandles)? Check.
Extremely spotty memory of the previous night? Check
Strange, unidentifiable injuries, including one that feels, for all the world, like RSI of the drinking arm? Check.
Half-empty bottle of tequila next to me? Check.
Slight feeling of nausea? Check.
Loud...
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Woken up in someone else's flat? Check.
Woken up next to someone else (even if it is forkandles)? Check.
Extremely spotty memory of the previous night? Check
Strange, unidentifiable injuries, including one that feels, for all the world, like RSI of the drinking arm? Check.
Half-empty bottle of tequila next to me? Check.
Slight feeling of nausea? Check.
Loud...
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VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
sinope:
erm, sounds like you had a good weekend!
mnislahi:
sounds like you had fun!
The work experience girl at work today asked me what kind of music I was into. I probably scared her somewhat by, rather than tossing off a quick answer like 'Oh, you know, this and that' or 'Punk mainly, but the occasional bit of metal' or 'I like rap! 50 Cent is wel wikkid innit!' I asked if I could have more time to consider...
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VIEW 26 of 26 COMMENTS
mechapearlbass:
Thanks honey 
Yes I am around on Saturday. What's going on?
Yes I am around on Saturday. What's going on?
crackheidi:
It has to be the worst question ever, it's a bit like asking someone to sum up their personality on 50 words or less, gotta love small talk.
Ho-hum, another week, another weekend. 5 more days of dealing with various freaks led to another few days of spending more than I intended getting drunker than I intended.
Friday night I went along to the Gin Panic gig at the International Student House and as soon as I was informed by the barmaid that my double Jack and Coke came to the princely sum...
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Friday night I went along to the Gin Panic gig at the International Student House and as soon as I was informed by the barmaid that my double Jack and Coke came to the princely sum...
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VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
deleteddelete:
Yeah, I've checked out the PNAC website before. It is genuinely creepy stuff. The fact that Rumsfeld and Cheney are closely associated with it makes Bush's possible re-election even more frightening. That documentary was excellent and I'm glad that it was a completely unbiased view that showed people who don't know already (like the majority of us) that the American right-wing political agenda is every bit as frightening as anything the islamic fundamentalists have to throw at us. I can't wait for next week when they show us how much money the CIA threw at Bin Laden to get rid of the soviets form Afghanistan. Compulsory viewing for eveybody in the run up to the election.
drunkpunk:
Good? It only rocks like a complete and utter muthafucka
Sigh, you know it's been a good weekend when you don't even get around to posting a journal about it till the tuesday. I was going to write this yesterday but ended up... uhhhh... 'resting my eyes' for a couple of minutes and the next thing I know, it's 4am and I have a pressing desire to pee.
So yeah, it's been a blisteringly good...
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So yeah, it's been a blisteringly good...
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VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
ciel:
still cd swappin' or are you out now?
forkandles:
Finally .... Sorry about the delay. I put the best pillow fight pics up in my photosets. I tried to load them on to the SGUK photosets but they kept failing. Any idea why?
Sigh, back to reality. I've only been back at work after the weekend two days and already I've had to console a sobbing workmate about her timesheet, run through my arsenal of excuses to get out of the Library Christmas Party, starting off with 'I don't know, I might be doing something then', to 'I think I'm doing something with family on that day' right...
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VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
maelwys:
well, look on the bright side, you do meet some truely stunning examples of inbreeding in your job
crackheidi:
Good sort of catching up with you, if my traditional library related conversation can be called catching up.
That was nature's way off saying "Stop, you're heading the way of the Belgians..."
thats gotta hurt,
man i hope that worth it,
hope you haev a good xmass,
if you can sit down that is