crazy_dave

The rejection has robbed me of my self-worth on the relationship level. Now I see myself as a hard-luck dude who survives. I gather my happiness from a series of short moments. But most nights, I pray for a deployment that will give me a hero's death, because I love myself too much to commit suicide.
I just keep putting myself in the way of more and more harm, so that I can end this goddamn miserable existance, without shaming my family. I want them to be proud when I die, ya know?
I want to die outnumbered and outgunned, defending a nameless piece of turf in the stead of freedom and liberty. And I want to fight it tooth and nail, and leave no rock unturned, no one spared....but I really don't care to walk away from it.
I want my lil bro to be the success and pride of the family. I want him to be the one to spread the seed and make the future. I just want to be the miserable martyr who makes it happen.....
The Last Spartan walks the earth, totally dedicated to freedom and liberty, but not becuase someone made me.... Because it's just what I do. Save the thanks for someone who gives a damn; someone who wants to grow old. Me? I wanna keep killin em until those bastards get hard enough to knock me down for good. I don't want a wife and kids....I have a huge heart, but I could never be good enough to em, because my path is already laid out. I AM WAR. I AM DEATH. I AM THE ONE WHO WILL GIVE IT ALL AWAY SO YOU MAY SQUANDER IT. So fuck my pain. Fuck my loss. Better yet, fuck you for not being better than me. Fuck you for living the good life. Fuck you for taking your freedom for granted. But God Bless You for living every day free. God Bless YOU. You fuckin need it. I'm already blessed.....