cpmower831

There’s a relationship I had many years ago that I usually avoid talking about because of the pain this girl caused me.

I met this girl on FB and messaged her and we eventually set up a lunch date. I told her to feel free to bring her best friend with her to make her feel better. This accomplished her feel safe and had her friend meet me to get get approval. I did what I could to make her feel safe. While we were dating I did what I could to make her feel safe. At times I did what I could to do the right thing. I’d ask her if something was wrong and she’d basically say “If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.” Or “I’m ‘fine’.” She made me feel like I couldn’t do ANYTHING right….I took it to my relationships, and would over analyze EVERYTHING women would say in text or verbally thinking “What did she mean when she said…”insert statement here.” It helped tank relationships. I still do it. To make matters worse she did it during the time I was being treated for cancer, I finally had enough. So I broke it over. I’ve been carrying it on my conscience for 15 years, so the other day I sent her this;

“Laurel, I wanted to touch base with you because all these years later I have things to get off my chest. You did some things to me while we were seeing each other that were that were pretty egregious. I was extremely hurt by some of the things you did. I’d sense something wrong and ask you and you would say “noneya” or “nothing”. Not something mature adults do. You would talk about it and if concessions or apologies need to be made do so. After you gaslit me…I’m sorry, I mean; after we stopped seeing each other, I had a few relationships and every single one failed. I had one that could have ended in marriage but I second guessed every single thing I said. She broke up with me and I nearly threw myself in front of a train. But something stopped me. I met a girl in Bible College who was literally my female double, but again my overthinking (brought on by you) caused me to mess it up.

I think you wanted a man who was weak thats going to sing flowery songs to you and; that isn’t me. You really did a lot of damage to my psyche. I had go through several years of counseling and even today, I doubt and overthink a lot a lot of

things in relationships and things that are said to me or not said. You would make me so angry and at a time when I was being treated for a cancer that could have taken my life. Lastly, I felt like I was being extremely judged by your mom for God knows what. My tattoos, my life choices, who knows. You told me that I had a crush on too many girls and “liked girls too much”, the only one I had a crush on was you. Also, did I like girls? Yes, as a straight man I DO like girls; that’s what heterosexual man is. People already think that Christians are judgmental and hypocritical; y’all weren’t helping. I ONLY wanted us to be happy but you just seemed to resent me”

There’s a relationship I had many years ago that I usually avoid talking about because of the pain this girl caused me.

I met this girl on FB and messaged her and we eventually set up a lunch date. I told her to feel free to bring her best friend with her to make her feel better. This accomplished her feel safe and had her friend meet me to get get approval. I did what I could to make her feel safe. While we were dating I did what I could to make her feel safe. At times I did what I could to do the right thing. I’d ask her if something was wrong and she’d basically say “If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.” Or “I’m ‘fine’.” She made me feel like I couldn’t do ANYTHING right….I took it to my relationships, and would over analyze EVERYTHING women would say in text or verbally thinking “What did she mean when she said…”insert statement here.” It helped tank relationships. I still do it. To make matters worse she did it during the time I was being treated for cancer, I finally had enough. So I broke it over. I’ve been carrying it on my conscience for 15 years, so the other day I sent her this;

“Laurel, I wanted to touch base with you because all these years later I have things to get off my chest. You did some things to me while we were seeing each other that were that were pretty egregious. I was extremely hurt by some of the things you did. I’d sense something wrong and ask you and you would say “noneya” or “nothing”. Not something mature adults do. You would talk about it and if concessions or apologies need to be made do so. After you gaslit me…I’m sorry, I mean; after we stopped seeing each other, I had a few relationships and every single one failed. I had one that could have ended in marriage but I second guessed every single thing I said. She broke up with me and I nearly threw myself in front of a train. But something stopped me. I met a girl in Bible College who was literally my female double, but again my overthinking (brought on by you) caused me to mess it up.

I think you wanted a man who was weak thats going to sing flowery songs to you and; that isn’t me. You really did a lot of damage to my psyche. I had go through several years of counseling and even today, I doubt and overthink a lot a lot of

things in relationships and things that are said to me or not said. You would make me so angry and at a time when I was being treated for a cancer that could have taken my life. Lastly, I felt like I was being extremely judged by your mom for God knows what. My tattoos, my life choices, who knows. You told me that I had a crush on too many girls and “liked girls too much”, the only one I had a crush on was you. Also, did I like girls? Yes, as a straight man I DO like girls; that’s what heterosexual man is. People already think that Christians are judgmental and hypocritical; y’all weren’t helping. I ONLY wanted us to be happy but you just seemed to resent me

It felt damn good to get it off chest and I couldn’t care less about her and her husband who seems to be a pantywaist…