coyote1284

I find myself slipping into mono-polar depression. I have no creative ambition any more, my libido is running negative (so much that I nearly vomited when a female friend suggested casual sex, and forget masterbating). There are no swings, there's just this general malaise and dis-ease (not to be confused with "disease" as in a virus). I didn't feel this while I was on vacation and driving. Once I stopped somewhere, the apathy returned. Maybe it's my subconcience telling me it's time for a change of scenery. I thought moving out of the dorms would help, but once my mind figgured out that I'm still doing the same thing that I always have for the past 3 years, it all came back. This is the only thing that helps, somewhat, getting it out, even if it's to be lost to a sea of 1s and 0s. I'm in no position to move for another 2.5 years, without seriously fucking up my life. I hope my will holds, but it has always been my strongest trait. I can always use circular logic on myself to stay away from breaking points. I am not fragile enough to worry about. I will not see a psych. I will not take their happy drugs. Like the cabbie in Brain Candy, FUCK the Gleeminol, I've got Damital!