I'm too impatient.
Waiting beside the phone for her to call and let me know that the 75% of her that wants to continue seeing me has hushed the remaining 25% into non-existence. I can feel my mind polluting itself with tragedies, all too familiar, the ones that I struggle to keep out of my head. I have an exceptionally awful imagination - everything I fantasize about is horrible and hurtful. And in all these fantasies she has chosen to not see me again; and, time, ever present, makes the fantasy more believable with each phone call that isn't from her, each night that I'm reminded that she hasn't called today.
I struggle to accept this - I know there's nothing I can do and that it's her decision to end something so incredibly good because there's a good chance I'm moving away in 2 months. I understand where she's coming from and respect her decision. I respect the lack of a decision the non-calling could potentially indicate (if I'm lucky).
Sometimes, I just want things to work out, you know?
And, something I've only just learnt these past few months, is to realize I can be happy by myself - I don't need anyone except me, and I like myself in bunches I'm pretty all right.... what it boils down to though is that I simply totally and entirely _want_ her.
I'm not needy, I'm wanty. That's probably worse. Wink.
Waiting beside the phone for her to call and let me know that the 75% of her that wants to continue seeing me has hushed the remaining 25% into non-existence. I can feel my mind polluting itself with tragedies, all too familiar, the ones that I struggle to keep out of my head. I have an exceptionally awful imagination - everything I fantasize about is horrible and hurtful. And in all these fantasies she has chosen to not see me again; and, time, ever present, makes the fantasy more believable with each phone call that isn't from her, each night that I'm reminded that she hasn't called today.
I struggle to accept this - I know there's nothing I can do and that it's her decision to end something so incredibly good because there's a good chance I'm moving away in 2 months. I understand where she's coming from and respect her decision. I respect the lack of a decision the non-calling could potentially indicate (if I'm lucky).
Sometimes, I just want things to work out, you know?
And, something I've only just learnt these past few months, is to realize I can be happy by myself - I don't need anyone except me, and I like myself in bunches I'm pretty all right.... what it boils down to though is that I simply totally and entirely _want_ her.
I'm not needy, I'm wanty. That's probably worse. Wink.