coliwali

It rained Thursday. It was gray and windy all day, and Mother Nature finally let the sky give up some precious water.
I feel like telling a story. This is the story of my current crush.
The new millenium started and the first girl I ever loved died. She still has a pulse, I can talk to her, but she stopped being Beth the vibrant women I loved, she changed. She became Beth, the ex-lover, source of doubt, grief, and heartache. It wasnt a death of flesh, just of the heart.
Skip ahead two years. I have not been with a woman since Beth. In the interim I have graduated from a community college, and moved to Tucson, from a little town called Sierra Vista. I lived in Sierra Vista for some six years, and many of my good friends live there still.
I dont make friends quickly or easily, as a result, I dont know many people in Tucson. One day, I felt bad, depressed, and angry at the world. I call my friend Joe, he makes the hour plus trip, from Sierra Vista, to see me. We BS for a bit and I start to feel a little better. Joe gets a call on his cell phone, Joe listens for a bit and replies, Yeah, sure, I can come. Hey Colin, want to go to a party?
My worldview is a sort of, desperate optimism, even at the best of times. I never can quite believe things will go my way. But, if things are truly that bad, I dont lose anything by trying. Sometimes this attitude make me do things that are, quirky.

Ihatepeopleihatemyselfihatetheworldandihateevery thingelsemylifeismeaninglessifidiednoonewouldcarei shouldripmyfaceoffandwipemyasswithitishouldscreambutnoonewillhear. Sure Joe, a party would be great!

We make the drive to Sierra Vista. All the while, dont get you hopes up, nothing good will happen is playing in the back of my head. We get to the house. We survey the place, there are about two dozen people there. I know about a third of them. Everyone is gathered together in little circles talking to each other, mingling. My eyes wander slowly from group to group. My gaze stops at the kitchen table, and I see HER.
She was sitting, chatting gently with some people I didnt know. She was tall and long, all leg and hip and elegant female form. Pale ivory skin, like she was carved out of marble, soulful blue-green eyes, and short black hair. She was a lost angel, wrapped in hip hugging jeans and a shirt that showed her belly. I didnt spend the whole night staring at her. But I could have.
If someone else wrote this story, this paragraph would be about going up and introducing himself to her. Me? I sat on the couch and talked to Josh, a friend Ive had from the beginning of time. After all, what could a man like me, a mere creature of flesh and blood say to her? A luminous spirit, gracing us with her presence. Josh and I talked for an hour or so. After awhile, of talking and stealing glances at HER, I follow Josh into the kitchen. Thats when this starts being a story.
She got up and walked into the kitchen and asked someone for a drink, then she turned to me and said Hi, my name is Sara. Maybe I was still mad at the world, but I dont know for certain what fit of madness made me say what I did. Dont bother learning my name. Youll never see me again anyway. She took a step forward, looked me in my eyes, smiled and said, Why dont you tell me anyway.
Wise men once sang These things happen to other people, they dont happen at all in fact. I guess they were wrong. Sara and I talked for hours. It turns out she didnt really want to be at the party either, but some friends of hers dragged her along anyway. She was new to the area, and didnt know that many people. She said I was one of the first really cool guys she had met, she was glad to have met me. Colin, we should hang out together.
She had to leave early. But before Sara left, she told me that she was afraid of phone calls, that she was awkward on them, I thought that was the cutest thing I had ever heard. She gave me her email address and told me to write her.
Astronauts dont get this excited. Imagine if you could write down your fantasy girl, and then have her appear. Thats what meeting this girl was like. Venus herself descended from Mount Olympus and picked ME.
Youre damn right I wrote her an email. I gave her my ICQ number and told her to drop me a line. That afternoon we were chatting again. And it was just as good as before. I was giddy. At the end of the conversation she asked me for my phone number, told me she would see me again, and logged off.

I never heard from her again.